Now A Woman Has Produced A Spreadsheet Of Why She’s Not Having Sex. And It Makes For Depressing Reading

They had sex twice in 28 days, and he went down on her once. See? We said it was depressing.


by Rebecca Holman |
Published on

Remember that swell guy who created the world’s most passive aggressive spreadsheet detailing all the times his wife turned down his sexual advances over the previous six weeks? No word on whether she’s decided to divorce him for being the world’s worst human being yet. (ICYMI, the offending spreadsheet was attached to an email he wrote when she was on her way to a ten-day business trip, where he stated that he wouldn’t miss her AT ALL. What a stand-up guy.)

But although we can totally understand why she (or anyone else for that matter) wasn’t having sex with this totally non-amazing guy, we did baulk at the implication of the spreadsheet – that most relationships descend into a battle of wills between the sexually frustrated man and the cold, frigid woman who gives out sexual favours on birthdays and public holidays, or as a thank you when the man has done something especially nice, like painting the shed or putting down the toilet seat (men, eh?).

Well, now the tables have been turned, as it has been revealed that a woman has kept a similar diary, charting the inactivity of their sex life over the month. She only sent it to her friends after she’d divorced the guy, and an enterprising journalist then turned that information into a spreadsheet, making her a much less awful person than her Excel doc-wielding predecessor. It a) busts the myth that women spend their lives withholding sex from the men they’ve cruelly entrapped and b) makes us feel really quite bleak about finding ourselves stuck in a loveless (sexless) marriage at some point in the future.

The spreadsheet breaks down a month in the couple’s sex life, including two instances of sex, one blow job, one instance where he went down on her, a couple of attempts at hand jobs and a whole load of nos from him (28 in total).

So, we’re glad that the myth that frigid women only use sex as a bargaining chip has been busted (with a spreadsheet, no less) – and it’s always nice for all the single ladies out there to be reminded that people in relationships aren’t necessarily having all the sex. But on a serious note (no, really), this spreadsheet’s a chilling testament to just how lonely being in a relationship can be. So mainly we’re just happy that this woman, and her Magic Wand vibrator, are out of it now. Hurrah!

Follow Rebecca on Twitter @rebecca_hol

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

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