So, you've packed up your Northern life, booked a seat on the Virgin Pendolino (or East Coast Mainline, if you're being picky) and settled down in the South. So far, so good. But despite the fact that the UK is really rather tiny, we're guessing that you've experienced something of a culture clash since making the big move...
1. You’re allowed to mouth off about the South as much as you like…
It’s expensive! No one looks at each other on the bus! The water makes your hair flat!
2. And you can take the mickey out of your hometown, too...
Could there BE any more Greggs?
3. But woe betide anyone who dares to make fun of your native land.
Because who are they to criticise god’s own country?
4. There’s always one joker who thinks their impression of your accent is ‘spot on.’
Why yes, I do sound exactly like the secret child of Cheryl Cole and Paddy McGuinness, brought up by Noel Gallagher. Can’t believe I never noticed it before.
5. Your family love teasing you for your newly acquired ‘posh’ voice.
Despite the fact that your accent is clearly all over the place. Remember when Ed Miliband decided to make a Youtube video with Russell Brand? That’s you, but northern.
6. There’s no more terrifying moment than the first time you say ‘bath’ with a long ‘aaaah.’
‘AAARGH,’ indeed.
7. You have a love-hate relationship with National Rail…
Yes, Euston station on a Friday night is a hellhole that probably inspired Dante’s Inferno, but it’s your hellhole.
8. And the amount of money you spend on train tickets is a constant source of low level anxiety.
You’ve definitely discussed the possibility of buying a ‘Two Together’ railcard with your Best Home Friend – the true meaning of platonic commitment.
9. You feel refreshed as soon as your train hits Stafford…
Must be all that fresh country air.
10. Although the Midlands definitely don’t count as the North.
Stop trying to make that happen, it’s not going to happen…
11. Everyone assumes that you’re some sort of authority on Coronation Street…
Purely by virtue of geography. You’ve definitely accidentally ended up on a night out with minor Hollyoaks cast members, though.
12. None of your Southern friends can find your home city on a map…
There is life outside of the M25, guys!
13. And they get unreasonably confused when you invite them round for tea…
Tea being dinner, of course.
14. Which is probably why you bond so easily with other displaced Northerners.
Because who else is going to tell you that you’ve fake tanned your back all wonky?
15. London dress codes get you feeling unreasonably stressed out…
Mainly because your idea of ‘getting dressed up’ is way dressier than anyone else’s.
16. And you're still not on board with this 'rolled out of bed' beauty thing...
Sorry, Kate Moss, but I just don't get 'the London look'...
17. So it still takes you a good half an hour longer to get ready than all of your housemates...
And much longer if you're going 'out out'...
18. When it snows, everyone expects you to be totally unfazed by it...
Like you were brought up in Narnia, or the icy wastelands from Game of Thrones...
19. But your 'hardiness' comes into its own on a night out.
No coat, no extortionate cloakroom charge.
20. Your Facebook feed is filled with girls from school putting down deposits on actual houses.
Three bedroom houses, with front gardens and nice kitchens.
21. You've spent the odd whistful evening wondering what your £700 rent could get you back up North...
A penthouse in Liverpool's Albert Dock! A snazzy house in Leeds! And actual castle in Northumbria! (OK, we exaggerate...)
22. And while you love your new life, you'll never consider yourself a Southern girl.
Because in the immortal words of Dorothy, 'there's no place like home.'
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