HOORAY there’s finally a new set of emojis coming to town. This July, get ready for over 200 new little icons to pepper your texting sessions with to make you an all-round more hilarious and engaging kind of gal. Although we don’t know quite what these new guys are going to look like, we do have a list of what they're going to be called.
While there’s some on there that have got our thumbs itching in anticipation (chipmunks, obvs), we do feel like the guys over at Emoji HQ might have missed a couple, and considering it’s taken them about 50 internet years to release these new ones it’s important that we flag it up now. Here’s a few new emojis that’ll be available come July, and some we feel could do with being invented right away.
Get ready for...
‘Hole’
Will come in handy for when ‘Face Screaming In Fear’ isn’t enough to convey the complexity of your hangover. Or if you wish to engage a fellow textee in a parlance about the past exploits of Courtney Love.
‘Spider’ AND ‘Spider Web’
Excellent representation for the eight-legged community here. The spider especially will come in excellent use for when you need to alert your housemate to come and remove Charlotte and her web from your room but don’t want to make any sudden movements. Angering the beast is not a good idea.
‘Left Writing Hand’
In your FACE, right handers. From smudging our neatly printed writing with our shirt sleeve to not being able to cut anything with a normal pair of scissors, life’s been one impossible hurdle after another for us cack-handed types. Being recognised in Emoji form is the first rung on the ladder of healing. Onwards and upwards, guys.
‘Man In Business Suit Levitating’
This one is mainly exciting because we have no idea what it means. Perhaps it will become clear in time.
Vintage Computer Stuff
We thought fax machines, floppy discs and calculators were destined to fade into the bleak obscurity of our childhood memories along with Pogs, penny sweets and Richard Blackwood. Now they're being immortalised in emoji form, though, kids born post-2000 can, too, understand the lengthy and frustrating concept of sending documents through a phone line and and the complete and utter uselessness of an external storage device that can store approximately 1/60 of your Napster library.
But there still aren’t any…
**Any black people at all
**
There’s lots of other races represented, even Chinese dudes who like to wear hard hats with green crosses on, which seems like kind of a niche genre (unless there’s some medical subculture we’re missing – in which case apologies). There are now black hand signals, but perhaps some faces would be good? #justsaying.
‘Cheese’ and ‘Bacon’
Two of the major food groups, both sorely underrepresented in the emoticon world. There are however, five different types of rice-based dishes on offer which have led us to the logical conclusion that the kitchens at Emoji HQ are really fucking boring.
‘Soothing cup of tea’
There is a cup of coffee on offer, but when our best friend’s 100 miles away sobbing into her pillow thanks to her douche of a boyfriend getting blackout drunk and snogging a girl he ‘accidentally’ met on Tinder, a shot of caffiene isn’t exactly going to help the situation. In fact, it’s liable to exacerbate it it. Nice job, emojis.
‘Glass full to the brim with white wine’
Because putting a textual call out for White Wine Wednesdays with a red wine icon is getting kind of old. Plus, one time, a girl actually showed up with red wine and totally missed the entire point. It was awkward to say the least.
‘Grumpy Kanye’
FFS guys, is there a man that knows more sorrow than the most miunderstood rapper of our time? How better to convey the complexities of feeling feelings that no other man or woman on earth is highbrow enough to comprehend. One for the intellectuals sick of living among mere mortals.
Follow Jess on Twitter @jess_commons
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.