How To Make A Nanny Share Work Successfully

Sharing a nanny has many potential pitfalls, but most are easily avoidable with a little planning

Children playing

by Rosamund Dean |
Updated on

Choosing which childcare option works best for your family is a very personal decision. Perhaps you feel your child would thrive in the sociable environment of nursery, or they might prefer the more intimate setting of a childminder. For many, a nanny feels like the ideal scenario: your child can be in their own home, with a person they’ll come to know really well, and there is flexibility if you need to work late or need babysitting in the evening, too.

The downside, of course, is that nannies generally require you to hand over at least one arm, plus a leg, in payment - and that’s before you’ve even got into ‘nanny tax’ (yes, you have to pay tax and National Insurance through PAYE for your nanny, as if you were a business). So a nanny share makes it more affordable, but it’s important to be clear on all the logistics from the very beginning. Here are a few things to think about before you commit.

Think carefully about the equipment you will need, depending on the age of your kids. For example, will you need a double buggy? Travel cot for naps? Two highchairs? In whose house will you keep all this stuff?

When babies, the children should be a similar age so that sleeping and eating routines can be moulded to be the same and not majorly affect any routines that they already have.

Everyone involved has to be flexible, with everything from routines to food, to activities and childcare locations. A nanny share won't work if each family wants a very specific routine that differs from the other.

It's easier when each family is okay with the children sleeping anywhere, ie. in buggies, travel cots or in each other’s cots/beds for simplicity during the day. It will be tricky if one family insists their child’s nap has to be in their own cot every day.

The childcare location should be discussed from the beginning. Each family’s circumstances will differ, but the main point is to keep it fair, so that a year or so down the line, one family doesn't feel hard done by. Lots of nannies will do one or two weeks in a row in one house and then swap to the other. This doesn't always suit every share situation, and sometimes the nanny may prefer to work from one home.

Food costs should be discussed upfront and kept fair from the beginning, too. Although it's nice for one family to offer all the food, eventually it will become clear that they are spending significantly more than the other. If the nanny is working from week-to-week in different homes, food costs are easier to share out. If the nanny works primarily from one house, it's easier if the other family pay a small amount each week for food costs. That way, both kids can eat the same thing because - let’s face it - every child wants what the other child has.

From a nanny’s point of view, the hardest thing is dealing with four individual parents, with four individual views and expectations.

Flexibility and honesty are key. For a nanny share to run smoothly requires chilled-out parents, who aren't afraid to communicate with the other family, and an enthusiastic nanny, who understands everyone’s needs. From a nanny’s point of view, the hardest thing is often dealing with four individual parents, with four individual views and expectations.

Your nanny share doesn’t have to be full-time. In fact, you can use a nanny share to negotiate a cheaper rate overall. Say your nanny usually charges £13 per hour. You could get her down to £11.50 p/h by agreeing to have two or three nanny share days a week, when your nanny will get more (say £15 p/h, so only £7.50 per family). Then you will be the nanny’s main employer, while the other family will be like a subsidiary, meaning you will be responsible for logistics and tax. Which is easier in some ways, as decisions will be yours without lots of discussion, but it’s also more expensive.

Lots of families go in for a complete share at the beginning with the full 40 hours, in which case the contract will state the gross wage for the nanny and each family will have to match that with their payroll.

When negotiating your nanny’s salary, bear in mind that the hourly rate they quote is always net, so you must work out the gross (ie. with tax and national insurance) yourselves.

The Best Parenting Books For Every Child, From Tiny Babies And Toddlers To Teens

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Best Parenting Books

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How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t with Your Kids, By Carla Naumburg PhD

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There's No Such Thing As 'Naughty', By Kate Silverton2 of 30

There's No Such Thing As 'Naughty', By Kate Silverton

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How to Raise Kids Who Aren't Assholes, By Melinda Wenner Moyer3 of 30

How to Raise Kids Who Aren't Assholes, By Melinda Wenner Moyer

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The Gentle Discipline Book, By Sarah Ockwell-Smith5 of 30

The Gentle Discipline Book, By Sarah Ockwell-Smith

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No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame6 of 30

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When The World Feels Like A Scary Place, By Abigail Gewirtz7 of 30

When The World Feels Like A Scary Place, By Abigail Gewirtz

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Queen Bees and Wannabes8 of 30

Queen Bees and Wannabes

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How Toddlers Thrive, By Tovah P. Klein9 of 30

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What Mummy Makes12 of 30

What Mummy Makes

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The Calm And Happy Toddler, By Dr Rebecca Chicot15 of 30

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Calm Parents, Happy Kids: The Secrets Of Stress-Free Parenting, By Dr Laura Markham17 of 30

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15-Minute Parenting 0-7 Years: Quick And Easy Ways To Connect With Your Child, By Joanna Fortune18 of 30

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The Joy Journal for Magical Everyday Play19 of 30

The Joy Journal for Magical Everyday Play

With a foreword written by Fearne Cotton and written by Russell Brand's wife and mother to his two children, this book has star ratings. But it's also hugely useful and full of games and tips to keep children preoccupied in ways that don't involve screens, which everyone knows is very much half the battle of parenthood...

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French Children Don't Throw Food

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The Whole-Brain Child21 of 30

The Whole-Brain Child

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The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (And Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did), By Philippa Perry22 of 30

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Nobody Told Me24 of 30

Nobody Told Me

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The Second Baby Book, By Sarah Ockwell-Smith25 of 30

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Between: A guide for parents of eight to thirteen-year-olds26 of 30

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How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk

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