Anyone who’s been lucky enough to breastfeed their baby without too many problems will still remember the stars-in-your-eyes agony of a baby latching on three or four days in, when your nipples are basically about to drop off and haven’t acquired the requisite levels of leathery toughness to see you through the next three, six, 12 or 18 months of night feeds. No-one had told me quite how much it was going to hurt - and I don’t think I’d have believed them anyway. I remember that pain far more vividly than childbirth, at least you can get an epidural for that. I’m writing this as someone who was so, so lucky when it came to feeding my son. He was a good size when he was born, fed almost as soon as he was delivered and basically never stopped - gaining weight steadily pretty much from birth.
READ MORE: Breastfeeding Shaming Is Wrong, But So Is Shaming Women Who Are Using Formula
Being able to feed your baby yourself as easily as this is a huge privilege, even when a chunk of your nipple horrifyingly comes off at there in the morning (true story). In the haze of sleep deprivation and hormones after the birth, I’m not sure how I’d have coped if we’d struggled to get him to put on weight, or feed properly. I always assumed I’d be pragmatic about it and just introduce formula, but equally I don’t think I ever appreciated until I had my son how much, rightly or wrongly, your ability to breastfeed ties into your sense of self worth and value as a new mother. I think it would have been incredibly hard.
This week a newspaper commentator saw fit to criticise celebrities such as Myleene Klass and Millie Mackintosh for what she described as the latest ‘mummy brag’ - posting pictures of themselves using breast pumps on Instagram. I have to say, what's not to brag about? Every time I hit the 4oz mark, I Whatsapped everyone I knew.
But she disagreed, her broad point (and I am paraphrasing a little) was: 'yes, breastfeeding and pumping is wonderful if you can do it, but only in the privacy of your own home, so put it away love. ' Basically, don't talk about it, don't share it and don't what ever you do, let anyone see your nipples.
READ MORE: Mille Mackintosh: 'I've Struggled With My Body Image Post-Pregnancy'
I disagree. I quite like seeing celebs with their pumps out - in terms of relatability it’s better than a red-carpet shot at a premiere or, for a more 2020 example, a sneaky pic from the private jet they’ve taken to the socially-distanced summer holiday the rest of us could only dream of. A celeb strapped to their battery-powered pump, whirring away just too loudly to hear the TV properly is a great equaliser (unless you’re Rachel McAdams doing it in Versace and bulgari diamonds, mid photoshoot). And if we’re sharing every other aspect of our lives on social media, why shouldn’t breastfeeding, and all the associated faffage, be a part of this? It seems bizarre to criticise celebrities for sharing their experiences of what is genuinely one of the least glamorous things I’ve ever done as a boast in the context of what else they share about their lives on social media.
We seem to have reached a weird cultural impasse on the matter, where almost everyone agrees that breastfeeding is A Good Thing, but beyond that, a great swathe of the population still don’t want to think what the mechanics of that mean, where the milk actually comes from, and haven’t got over a Benny HIll-esque obsession with boobies which means 50 years later they’re harrumphing, red-faced at the manager of a restaurant, trying to get them to throw out a new mother who’s trying to have her lunch while her child peacefully feeds.
Myleene Klass responded to the original article in her Instagram and the comments below are a reminder of how far we have to go, with one woman talking about hiding away in toilets and with her son under covers as she struggled to feed him, and another talking about sweating and getting nervous as she tried to feed her daughter in public under a muslin, in case she pulled it off - ‘the fear of the looks from people was a real thing.' There were plenty of others who said relatives and even random members of the public suggested they stop breastfeeding before they were ready.
But this isn’t the whole story, and we shouldn’t forget that there is still a privilege attached to a picture of a woman happily pumping away - famous or not. For many breastfeeding just doesn’t work when they desperately want it to, or the pain is too much, or their baby struggles to latch on. There are as many excellent reasons why someone will be feeding their newborn baby formula with a bottle as why some women will breastfeed till their baby is a toddler. Food writer and entrepreneur Ella Mills spoke on Elizabeth Day’s podcast How To Fail, of the intense disappointment and sense of failure she felt when she struggled to breastfeed her daughter Skye, giving it up after four or five months.
‘I feel like in my head I was I had this vision of myself as an earth mother, I’d have Skye attached to me the whole time and I’d be breastfeeding her till she was 2… and then life happens and you start to experience it rather than it being in your head and I wasn’t that mother and it didn’t work for either of us. I don’t think there was a single day when breastfeeding was easy for us.’
Tellingly, she also spoke criticism and vicious trolling she received when she posted a picture of herself feeding her baby daughter Skye with a bottle.
I put up a picture on Instagram where she was having a bottle and I didn’t even say what was in the bottle, it could easily have been expressed milk and I’ve never seen comments like it. People said ‘we’re going to report you to the ASA, it’s illegal to promote formula’ or ‘you didn’t try everything, you’re lying.’ It was fascinating, I’ve never seen anything like it.’
It’s a parent’s job to make sure their baby is well-fed and healthy, how they do this is their choice and there’s no ‘but’ to add to the end of it. When we tell women it’s their body and their choice, we’ve got to mean that, no judgment. Which is why, whether it’s a celeb breast-pumping in designer gear, a woman breastfeeding her toddler in the pub or a mother feeding her newborn a bottle of formula, they all deserve the thumbs up.