This trip was unlike any other family holiday. Documentary filmmaker Mark J Francis took his ex-wife Jules and their two children to a rural mindfulness retreat. Together they all met with with Thich Nhat Hanh, the monk who was a kay factor in the breakdown of their marriage. Francis’ actions have left the internet heavily invested and divided.
In 2016, Francis made Walk With Me, a documentary about Hanh and this was where their journey together started and his marriage ended. Francis admitted, 'I was struggling as a father at the time, the best education you can give your children is to know yourself,' Hanh taught Francis, and he needed to learn who he really was. However, in his quest to understand himself, he ended up divorcing his wife. Hanh, is a Buddhist monk from Vietnam and is also peace activist and poet. He is regarded as the father of modern meditation.
After realising he was suffering with stress and anxiety, it led him down a ‘rabbit hole’ of also questioning whether or not I was truly happy in his marriage and living the kind of life he desired. ‘Part of that was how content I was in my marriage,’ he concluded. Hanh taught him, 'The best education you can give your children is to know yourself, and I needed to learn who I really was.' However, during this journey to finding himself, it ultimately led to divorce.
He ended his 20-year marriage with his wife Jules. It was not an easy decision especially since they had two small children. Jules didn’t want to split at the time but explained’ I could see that if we were going to do it, we might аs well do it well.’ Mark was inspired by the example set by Gwyneth Pаltrow аnd Chris Mаrtin, and their conscious uncoupling. He explained, 'I think thаt both my ex-wife and I were keen on embracing that.'
So, five years later they attended one of Hanh’s retreats in France with their children. Mark revealed, ‘We were there [at Plum Village retreat] for a week, and you join groups of maybe 15 or 20 people,' He continues, 'Every few days, you’re in this circle sharing whatever emotion’s coming up, and you end up forming real connections with one another.'
While he explained that the children weren’t present at all these public confessionals, which Francis admitted were 'challenging', he insists that due to their new style of parenting, being together as much as possible was key, 'It was an important point in our journey of committing to a conscious uncoupling.'
Jules said, 'We were fully aware how children can be affected by the divorce of parents, and so we did everything we possibly could to make sure they felt loved and supported. And at Plum Village, we had a lot of fun, swimming and camping, and encouraging our children to express their challenges, their concerns and appreciation’ She added, 'When a married couple divorce, it doesn’t mean the end of the relationship, especially when there are children involved.'
'If I’m at war with their mother, then they are internally at war, too,' said Francis. He added, 'For the child not to be having inner conflict, they have to be at peace with themselves, and that’s why it was so important for us to create a space where we could talk openly about our feelings.' Today Francis now has a new partner and child, whilst Jules is currently single.
This situation has very much sent the internet into a fuss with many questionings why they would bring their children to something so complicated and exposing. However, others might agree that allowing your children to understand the process of divorce a healthy way will only be helpful for their development in the end. What do you think?
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