A Few Misguided Purchases You’re Absolutely Going To Make Now You’ve Been Paid

Because you're a dick with money and it's about time you faced up to it young lady.


by Jess Commons |
Published on

After three weeks of living on noodles and surreptitiously disappearing every time it’s your round at the pub, the nice people you work for have finally paid you. Not that they were holding out on you or anything, you’re just terrible at remembering when the last of the month is. Which is why you thought it appropriate to spend £30 0n candles a couple weeks back. Here’s a few mistakes that you promised you’d never make again come payday, but absolutely will.

Buying breakfast at work

It’s a Friday, you’re hungover, a bacon bagel and cup of coffee from that pretentious deli next door would be a dream. Even though you know you’ve got microwave porridge sachets sitting in your desk drawer and free instant coffee in the work kitchen. After last month's infamous beans-on-toast-for-dinner week, you promised yourself that you’d never spend £5.75 before 10am ever again, yet here we are. Shame on you.


Do a Boots trip

You’ve been switching between your various flatmates' shower gels for three weeks now, sometimes creating a cocktail of Radox, Original Source and Dove in the hope that they won’t notice you’re too poor to buy your own. Now you’ve been paid, though, it’s high time you did a supermarket sweep of your local Boots. Trouble is, what with you being loaded now, you might have bought a little bit more than you needed. In two week’s time, when you’re reaching down the side of your bed for any loose change you can lay your hands on, £17 on Well Woman Vitamins is going to seem more than a little extravagant.

Get a Taxi

When it’s 3am and you’ve got a choice between a 30-minute night bus journey or waiting 10 minutes for for a taxi to arrive to take you the 20 minutes back to yours, it’s normally the difference between three or four glasses of pinot that’ll determine the outcome. Now you’ve got money coming out of your ars, though, it’s a no-brainer. You’ll even treat your mates, who live the other end of town. Better everyone’s safe, right? Plus, you can swing by the McDonald’s drive through this way. On the meter naturally.

Buy all of ASOS

Finally time to cash in on all those things you've been popping in the 'wishlist' section of the site over the past couple of weeks. Most of it's on sale, and none of it's that expensive, so the grand total of your shopping basket only comes to a miniscule £127. Oops. Erm. Ah. Problem is, though, you've got so attached to all the bits you were going to buy that you've already mentally incorporated them into your wardrobe. It'd be a lie to yourself not to buy them.

*Sign Up For Things

A Netflix account? Check. Subscription to Amazon Prime? Already done. That overpriced gym down the road that has fluffy towels and hair straightners? Deffos. The trouble is, 'cos you've got the first couple of months or weeks free ,you're going to totally forget about actually paying for them until you're down to your last £20 and you lose £12 of it on a week's worth of healthy 'snack' boxes filled with gross 'treats' that you don't actually like.


Follow Jess on Twitter @jess_commons

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

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