I'm sick of micro pressures. You know what I'm talking about: those little things that we barely notice as we move through our day, but that build up and have an impact on us. Things like breaking up a sibling argument, making the right drop off and pick up time for each child, an ambiguous message from your boss, a curt message from your sister, the meal you’ve just made being rejected. We are always on.
Even when I’m not with my daughters, I’m thinking about them constantly. I'm always ready for a call from the school or nursery. When they’re sleeping, one cry and I’m up bolt upright. There's no off switch with being a mother, but do we ever recognise the impact these always-on micro pressures have? They might not big enough to trigger your stress response, but they stack up throughout the days and weeks.
A study from New York University found that micro pressures impact our memory and ability to keep track of what we need to get done. It can also cause brain fog and make us more emotional and reactive. So, this really matters.
What can we do about it? The first step is awareness. Once we’re aware of these micro pressures, we can work to reduce them. The Authors of ‘The Microstress Effect’ write that 'From decades of social science research, we know that a negative interaction is up to five times more impactful than a positive one.' That means finding ways to eliminate even just a few micro stresses in your life can make a significant difference.
So as you go through your day, think about any micro pressures you could reduce. Some of mine include: Not arguing about the coats and shoes every time we leave the house (they go in my bag for when they are inevitably requested five minutes later); Laying out options for cutlery at the start of a meal; Putting my phone in another room when I’m with the girls; Muting all notifications; Laying out uniforms and sports kit the night before; Not taking a call when I’m in the middle of something.
As well as reducing these micro stressors, it’s also vital to counter stress and potential burnout. We think that we burnout when we give too much, but actually we burnout when we don’t give enough back to ourselves. And no 'self care' is not the answer - it can’t be something we have to add to the already groaning to do list!
The answer is energy management, just like we have to charge our phones and close tabs if we want them to keep going, we have to get clarity on what charges us up, and drains us. These should be small, simple acts that we can integrate into our days such as drinking enough water, taking some deep breaths, a quick call with a friend, a moment walking in the garden or having a quick kitchen disco. So whilst the stress of the little things add up - it’s the little things that are also our saviour!
Zoe Blaskey is the author of Motherkind: A New Way to Thrive in a World of Endless Expectations, published on 15th August by HQ, hardback, £16.99. Click here to buy.