Ever wondered what men get really pissed off about? We all know the sort of in-fighting that happens in all-girl friendship groups (and work places), but a new Reddit thread set out to detail what stuff really gets on guys’ balls.
It was supposed to be a male version of when something really gets on your tits. Didn’t work, though. The thread turned into a load of guys airing their insecurities, helping each other out, making really important points, and it made us feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
After reading it, we felt way more informed as well as a deep urge to give all men a big hug and tell them it’s OK and we’re glad it’s not just us who worry about shit.
Here are the highlights from the thread, entitled ‘Men, what do you hate about other men?’
‘I hate the guys who drink and try to fight everybody, including their own friends’ – alkalinejm
Don’t we all? Nothing more annoying than a night out ruined because your best guy mate decided to punch the barman. Sometimes they’re not even being violent. Sometimes they’re literally just punching people by way of conversation.
Everyone’s got That Male Friend who can’t get too drunk because he pisses everyone off and starts fights. To a lesser extent my boyfriend likes to kick trees while blowing raspberries. Entertaining, yes, but also a real pain if there’s someone standing behind the tree – or he gets it wrong and kicks a person thinking they’re a tree. Minefield.
‘If you get that kind of temper because of alcohol, why do you even drink in the first place?’ one Reddit user responded, and everyone nodded fervently to themselves, thinking of the last time they went out and had to break up a huge fight just because one guy can’t handle his Jägerbombs.
‘If everyone could stop pissing on the floor in front of the urinal THAT WOULD BE FUCKING GREAT’ – MuffDragon
Love hearing about male toilet politics, because it’s just not something you'’e usually privy to (pun intended, mate) unless you really grill a dude about their loo habits.
The nicest part of this is the response, with another user adding: ‘This is why I check if my shoes are tied before I walk into the bathroom. Laces are too absorbent’ and everyone basically responded with a standing ovation.
Oh, and: ‘We’re trying to make a more efficient bathroom. If we all keep pissing from further back as the floor gets wetter, we’ll eventually only have to open the door, piss on the floor, everybody walk the dinosaur.’ Brilliant.
‘Everything is a dick measuring contest’ – Voxel_Sigma
You suspect that this is the case, and it seems it really is. One user added: ‘I just don’t bother wearing pants anymore’ and another, who should win some sort of prize, responded: ‘Really? How much time do i have, and how many dicks do i have to measure to win?’ The answer being ALL OF THEM. You need all the dicks.
We feel for you guys, it’s hard to be constantly metaphorically measuring your dicks – unless there’s some sort of genuine dick measuring competition going on every day that we girls aren’t allowed to know about. In which case, that’s just weird.
‘When guys comment on girls facebook pics with idiotic crap like wow sexy, hey beautiful ;), and other things that reek of desperation’ – Zodiark1
YEAH WE HATE THAT TOO.
It did, however, lead to that age-old debate, ‘What can I yell out the passenger side of my best friend’s ride to get a girl to be interested in me?’, to which the best responses were:
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‘I really appreciate all of the hard work you have put into making your life so wonderful. Also, That (Piece of Clothing) is amazing and looks great on you. Have a nice day!’
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‘I’ve read your thesis on chemiosmotic theory on photophosphorylation in Chloroplasts, I’d love to talk to you about it over some dinner!’
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‘Ay bby, lookin rea-’ /carcrash. That’ll get ’em interested.
‘Come on guys, flinching just means flinching. Stop lunging at me from 5 inches away, it doesn’t actually mean anything except that you’re an asshole.’ – Astramancer_
This is interesting, because it’s such a guy thing. What girl has to deal with people lunging from five inches away and going ‘WAAAAAY YOU FLINCHED MATE’? If your friend keeps doing that, you can just tell her to stop without secretly implying you’re a scaredy waredy kitty cat with no penis.
It’s all a big part of the dick-measuring contest, and led to a discussion about the ‘dick flick game’ which sounds ridiculous. According to one user, it’s a fairly widespread game where ‘you go up to people and flick them in the balls. Or as it is better know in the adult world, assault’. Totally mad.
‘Dudes who can’t fend for themselves when it comes to domestic duties. Learn how to cook a couple meals, clean a toilet, turn on a vacuum, and develop some other simple homemaking tendencies.’ – ladouglas
Love this so hard. Basically, a great old debate about the sort of guys who think it’s manly to not know how to cook. ‘The worst is when these types of guys are proud of this shit,’ says one Redditor, before linking to loads of really helpful links for any guys who commented that they were shit at cooking. Genuinely warms the cockles.
In the sarcastic words of fixgeer: ‘My woman does all that shit, I have no idea how to turn on a stove, haha, lets go drink beer and look at my truck.’
‘Men that treat their girlfriends/wives like shit just because they can, and they know they are not gonna leave them.’ – FrancisJv
He goes on to explain: ‘I am not talking about straight domestic abuse, but just being a fucking jerk. I mean, sometimes couples can fight and have a bad day, but I have seen guys straight humiliating and pushing their partners like they were petty subordinates, instead of a lover and a friend.’
Yes, this. Obviously, there are men calling out other men for being jerks to women, but it’s great to see it in action. And equally great to see it get loads of positive replies. ‘I can’t fathom the mentality that you can do what you want to a woman,’ writes one user. ‘Why would you not want to make your wife think you’re the best husband to ever take a shit?’
‘I hate how other straight men automatically assume a gay person is hitting on them whenever the gay speaks to them’ – delicious-milk
It’s sort of the same complaint a lot of lesbians make about straight girls – just because they’re talking to you, doesn’t mean they want to snog you. Just like straight people don’t wander around in a state of permanent lust towards every straight person.
‘To be fair, that’s how a lot of straight guys look at women, so I think they’re just kind of assuming it goes for you too,’ says one user, but that can’t be totally true, otherwise men wouldn’t be able to get anything done for wanking.
Mirrorwolf sort of gets the nail right on the head with this comment though: ‘Dudes always tell girls “learn how to take a compliment!” when they catcall girls but you tell ONE guy in the bathroom he has a nice dick and everybody gets upset. What the fuck.’
Hilarious, telling and also quite poignant.
‘When they send dick pics to girls out of nowhere. It makes us all look bad’ – Forrest_Runaker
YES. IN THAT MOMENT WHEN YOU RECEIVE ONE, YES IT DOES. And we promise to never tar you with the same brush as CoolMan999 who literally can’t stop snapchatting his balls to everyone.
‘I hate that we aren’t as up in arms about the difficulties facing boys and young men as women are about the difficulties facing girls and young women’ – SucculentStanley
Probably the most important topic discussed on the thread – here’s the comment in full: ‘I hate that we aren’t as up in arms about the difficulties facing boys and young men as women are about the difficulties facing girls and young women. I’m consistently impressed by all the women-driven efforts to extend opportunities and support to girls. I’d like to see men tend to their young ranks with equal zeal.
‘I’ll concede the challenges are much different, and that on balance it is harder to be a female in this world. However, it is getting better for women all the time. I honestly don’t think the world is getting better for young men.
‘It is more confusing. It is less understanding of traditional forms of masculine projection. Traditional male roles are being torn down, probably for the better, but that doesn’t leave young men with much in the way of role models.
‘Nobody is going to stick up for boys if not grown men. Boys need support. They need guidance. They need to be challenged. Or else they grow up into selfish, lazy pigs. So, grown men, let’s step up our game. Let’s get more involved. You don’t need to have a son to help raise a man. I’m consistently impressed by all the women-driven efforts to extend opportunities and support to girls. I’d like to see men tend to their young ranks with equal zeal.’
bursts into tears
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.