Man Sends His Wife A Spreadsheet Of All The Times She ‘Denied Him’ Sex

This guy thought sending his wife a spreadsheet of all the times she 'denied him' sex would be a good idea.

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by Alya Mooro |
Published on

Well, he's definitely got some balls. Blue ones, he apparently wants his wife to know. In today's lol news, a man has sent his wife a spreadsheet of all the times she's 'denied him' sex.

The wife in question took to Reddit to post the spreadsheet, which comes complete with a column for dates, verbatim quotes of her 'excuses' for not partaking in said sexual activity and a forlornly looking column detailing whether or not sex had been completed.

"Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, Husband sends a message to my work email... I open it up, and it's a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won't miss me for the 10 days I'm gone. Attached is a SPREADSHEET of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1st, with a column for my "excuses", using verbatim quotes of why I didn't feel like having sex at that very moment. According to his 'document', we've only had sex 3 times in the last 7 weeks, out of 27 "attempts" on his part," wrote the woman alongside the upload.

Well, we can't say we sympathise all too much with the man, although that's definitely an efficient way of getting his point across. We wonder if he's as methodical and efficient at work?

Actually, according to a new survey, three times in seven weeks isn't really too far from the norm, with Online pharmacy UKMedix revealing that the average British couple has sex just once a week. Although, apparently we'd all like to be having sex at least four times as many as that. We call bullshit.

Fair enough, no one’s having as much sex as they want, but five times a week? Really? Call us prudes, but unless you’re in the heady early days of a relationship, where you’re basically locked in a sex cave, who has the inclination to have sex five times a week? Even if you do have all the time in the world? Have you never heard of cystitis?

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Follow Alya Mooro on Twitter @moorizZLA

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

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