In a world of inspirational memes and #girlboss Instagram posts, it’s easy to forget that we all get stuck at work, or feel like we can’t find a way forward at times. Sue Unerman is the Chief Transformation Officer at MediaCom and Kathryn Jacob OBE is the Chief Executive at Pearl and Dean. Together they wrote The Glass Wall: Success Strategies For Women At Work And Businesses That Mean Business. Their new book Belonging, The Key to Transforming and Maintaining Diversity, Inclusion and Equality At Work is out now. Each week answer your work questions with pragmatic, honest advice that’s proven to work…
“About a month ago I joined a new company during lockdown. We’re obviously all working remotely. I’m finding it really difficult to fit in and feel comfortable. I don’t want to say anything in case I make the situation worse. What do you advise?”
KJ: Firstly congratulations on your new job. It is completely understandable that you’re finding this situation difficult. Even people who have been at their company for a long time have found this remote working to be discomforting and destabilising. You don’t say which parts of the job are making you uncomfortable so we will make some assumptions. If you are in a team that has worked together for a long time the in jokes and ways of working can feel excluding. I suggest that you pick a couple of people and ask them to get you up to speed with the back stories and insights. People love to talk about these things and it might make them happy to share.
SU: Essentially you are describing a situation where you just don’t feel like you belong – of course this is the subject of our latest book Belonging the key to transforming and maintaining diversity, inclusion and equality at work. We fundamentally believe that without a sense of belonging you can’t really relax and bring your true self to work. It is very important to the success not just of your career journey but for the whole team, that this gets sorted out. I would suggest that you therefore raise this with your line manager. Not in an accusatory way, please don’t do that. But ask them to spare you 20 minutes for a cup of coffee and a chat and check in. Ask them what they see – do they think that the team is gelling? Give your take on the situation, if you can explain from the perspective of a naïve or new person on the scene. So rather than simply saying that you feel alienated, describe the whole dynamic, and see if they can relate to this. You’ll find suggestions for changing the mood of the team in our book.
KJ: One tip we can give you is to create a time where the team could have an open discussion about the support that they need when they are a) having a good day and b) having a bad day. One of the truths about working remotely is that we feel that our endless zoom meetings are not the time to share concerns or worries (unless it is about a specific project that is). To say that your attention span has shrunk or that you need time in the morning to deal with home schooling can be hard to address. By asking colleagues how you can all help each other you will create a bond and understanding that will also enable you to work in a better way. Everyone would welcome that.
SU: Of course it is possible that it isn’t just you that is struggling as the newbie. Maybe the team has not adjusted to remote working overall. It is very different for different personality types. Those people (like me) who tend to be on the more introverted spectrum generally have more bandwidth for remote working – look everyone is isolated and finding it difficult but introverts tend to be able to manage without the energy that those on the more extrovert spectrum (like Kathryn) thrive on and get lots of simply by being in the same space physically as others. If your team is more extrovert by nature it may be that after the initial wave of team quizzes and house party crazes of 2020 palled that they are in mourning for the old days of hanging out in the office together. Perhaps some team bonding in a new way would help? One simple question at the start of the week for instance – top TV or movie tip or the soundtrack of your weekend could help you all bond. You don’t have to carve out special time for this, but simply post a question and the answers in the chat on zoom or teams.
KJ: You are only four weeks in – quite often the euphoria of a new job and new challenge fade out at this stage. It isn’t unusual. After all we spend less than three hours usually interviewing for a job in total, and then we spend 5 days a week with total strangers. As Sue knows, I have spent longer thinking about buying a new pair of shoes than some people spend considering a big move like a new job. Our assumption is always that this new job will be the answer to all of our career wishes and hopes. So it is frankly inevitable that reality will take some of the gloss off our expectations. All you can do is take steps to create a situation where you feel that you belong.
SU: You’re not alone, good luck with the new job. Perhaps your thoughtfulness about this will change your workplace for the better.