I’m Upset About Not Being My Best Mate’s Bridesmaid. And That’s Allowed

If it’s friendship goals you’re after (because, apparently everything has to have some sort of hashtaggable expectation to live up to these days) it’s Game of Thrones co-stars Maisie Williams and Sophie Turner. They’re the low-key relatable celebrity BFFs that we wish we were also besties with, and the dream was only reaffirmed when we found out that Maisie is going to be Sophie’s bridesmaid at her wedding to Joe Jonas. Not that we were surprised…

‘Oh, already got it’, she told the Radio Times when asked whether or not she was hoping for the all-important role. ‘Oh, already got. Yeah, it’s very, very exciting. It’s kind of bizarre though’.

Maisie explained that they’re waiting until this season of Game of Thrones is all done with before they get into the nitty gritty of the wedding stuff. And while that’s all well and good, am I a bad person for secretly being a bit resentful of it all? Not Sophie and Joe’s wedding, nor that Maisie is going to be part of their special day. They’re all mega babes and I’m unashamedly excited to see (stalking) it all on social media. No, I’m just a bit resentful because I’m very jealous that M-dog gets to be involved in her BFF’s wedding day and I don’t.

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Whether you’re for or against, in relationships or all very, very single, wedding malarkey will always come up in conversation within your friendship at one point or another. And the one conversation that everyone tends to tread just a little bit more carefully around is who will be whose bridesmaid.

You’ll laugh and joke and assume it’s all hypothetical. 'Oh, what fun', everyone seems to be thinking. But if, like me, you’d be quick to cross off ‘craves validation’, ‘wants to feel needed’ and ‘takes everything to heart’ in a game of insecurity bingo, those conversations are no joke, my friends.

If you’re lucky, you’ll all make some bullshit pact to rotate maid of honour duties as each of you take turn to tie the knot. Perhaps you’ll all come to the agreement that every single one of you will get to be bridesmaids at every single wedding so that no one is ever left out (the dream). Or maybe, when it comes to the only one of your friends who is actually engaged and has and legitimate, un-hypothetical wedding on the horzion, this discussion of how you'll divvy up responsibilities just never really happens. That's when you'll probably have to come to terms with the fact that there is a little bit of an unspoken hierarchy within your once level playing field of bessie mates. That's when everything changes, you guys.

It's no ones fault really. If you boil a wedding down to logistics, cost and the number of people you can fit into bridal party pictures without it looking like an awkward high school class of 2008 prom photo, you can only have so many bridesmaids. But the logic and sensibility of it all doesn't lessen the lump in my throat every time the wedding comes up in conversation and I have consciously distance myself from the excited chatter about hen parties and dress fitting that only three of our seven person girl gang are going to be there for.

At the end of the day, I know my mates wedding isn't about me. And in reality, my mate probably does love me as much as the three others she asked to precede her down the aisle on the big day. But there was once a time when I genuinely thought it, like all of my other mates' weddings, would be our day. And I've decide it's okay to be a bit upset about that.

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.