I’ve lived in my house for 5 years and over that time I've seen housemates come and go: of both types. I've been the sole female in a house of six, and I've lived in a female dominated house. Just think if me as the Gen Y housing equivalent of Tiresias (hey Classics fans!). I'm here to tell you about life on both sides if the housemate gender split and to help answer that eternal question: who are best to live with, men or women?
Let me break it down for you, kids.
HYGIENE
BOYS
It's a biggie, and the first word on everyone's lips when you tell them you live with five boys. Sure, when I lived in what was basically a full time sausage-fest, the boys considered the shower, toilets and sinks self-cleaning. BUT SO DID I. We were young, fresh out of uni: I could no more clean an oven than I could fly to the moon. The shower turned a majestic burnt orange colour because guess what, that's the colour shower mould is. We were animals, but by god we were happy.
1/10
GIRLS
I used to clean only when my parents were coming to stay but now I'll have a wipe down of a weekend, and why? Because I'm an adult and I live with other adults who like to live in a house that doesn't smell bad. These adults just happen to be female.
** 7/10**
DECORATION
BOYS
One of my housemates was writing a novel and kept his room in writerly squalor. Full ashtrays and empty bottles of whiskey were sprinkled liberally around the room. His walls were decorated with notes for his novel with words like 'Stan: sandwich.' I can only compare entering his room to that bit in A Beautiful Mind when you see Russell Crowe's room plastered with newspaper clippings and you realise he's got a serious mental health problem.
2/10
GIRLS
Scented candles, a framed picture of Poirot, flowers, rugs: girls are great at decoration. Now don't get me wrong, some of the male housemates have figured out how to use a picture frame but in my limited experience girls have better, prettier, more stylish stuff than boys and that goes for all boys and girls in the world: the end.
10/10
FOOD
BOYS
For me, this is where the starkest contrast lies. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would watch someone eat the unholy combination of spaghetti, sweet’n’sour sauce, uncooked kidney beans and cold sardines, but I did. And I did every day for 3 years. Food, to these boys, was fuel, and they had to simply tick the boxes of carbs, protein and vitamins at every meal. Another housemate would work from home and forget to eat until the evening, when he would wolf down Jacobs cream crackers with pint after pint of semi skimmed milk.
1/10
GIRLS
One word, two syllables: pizza. These girls know how to party, and it's with our dear friend Papa John. When girls moved in I found partners on crime who love food and actively enjoy eating it. One housemate came home late one night and whipped herself up a steak dinner, and I am down to clown with that.
10/10
UPKEEP
GIRLS
When the boiler breaks they call the landlady who sorts it out. When the washing machine won't drain property they call the landlady who sorts it out. When the upstairs bathroom has no hot water THEY CALL THE LANDLADY WHO SORTS IT OUT.
8/10
BOYS
Live in freezing disrepair until we all are on the verge of hypothermia. Call the house 'The Ice Palace' and get on with it. Our toilet seat got a crack in it that would pinch your bum cheek every time you sat on it, and they were happy to get a cheeky pinch rather than replace the seat for about two months. There is such a thing as keeping too calm and carrying on.
3/10
PERKS
GIRLS
An endless supply of sanitary products. Living with women means never going to work with wet hair because your hair dryer conks out. Lots of bawdy stories about mishaps with vibrators. Endless fun.
9/10
BOYS
One of my housemates, who I was particularly close to, used to carry me upstairs to bed some nights like a baby. All in all, they were pretty snuggly lads: I'd often wake up next to one of them in the morning having falling asleep in their bed after a marathon binge watching sesh of New Girl. They also tolerated me stealing all of their food while I was unemployed. Sweet boys.
10/10
COMFORTING YOU DURING TOUGH TIMES
GIRLS
Every now and again the going is going to get too tough and you're gonna need those housemates to step up and dry those tears. (This happens approx 2 times a month for me). Girls use alcohol and straight down the line girl-talk and you thrash it out. There may also be snacks. Someone might suggest ordering a Papa Johns. They order a Papa Johns. Jackpot.
10/10
BOYS
One evening I found out an ex was seeing someone else (how dare he? Etc). I overreacted somewhat and ran sobbing into a housemate's arms. I wept and he held me silently for about half an hour. When I finally told him why I was crying, he let me go, went back to his room and said he thought one of my parents had died. Fair enough.
6/10
DOWNSIDES
BOYS
I loved living with ma baby bois (I am not allowed to call them this), except for the squabbles I had with one housemate, which would always end up with him dragging me around the living room and kitchen by my feet. It was a different time.
0/10
GIRLS
One night I woke up and heard strange loud noises, like someone was trying to break into the house. I summoned up my courage and went to investigate. Yes, it was my housemate vigorously shagging her boyfriend. Could have been worse.
2/10
THE VERDICT
What can I say? How can I choose between mad, wonderful people I've lived with just by dint of their sex? Frankly, I can't.*
-
I can, it's girls.
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Follow Natalie on Twitter: @femmenormale
Picture: Jake Kenny
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.