Freshers’ week. A coming of age ceremony for anyone who goes to university, bathed in ritual and booze. It’s your first taste of the rest of your life, away from home and, often, everyone you’ve ever known. It’s all organised fun, pub crawls, hangovers, peer pressure and excitement. The highs are euphoric moments on dingy dancefloors while EDM blares in the background and you feel like you’re finally where you were always meant to be and successfully managing to do a proper ‘adult’ shop in Sainsbury’s which comprises solely of the basics range. The lows include trying to boil ravioli in a kettle in your room because you don’t have a pan and catching your own reflection in the loo, your stomach in knots as you struggle to admit how vulnerable and afraid you’re feeling to yourself.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing so what advice would Team Debrief give to their fresher selves if they could?
Rebecca Holman, Editor
Don’t cry, you’re not sad, you’re just hungover. But you haven’t worked out yet that hangovers make you feel bad about just about everything.
Also, mum is right, hair of the dog is what you need. Don't stay in and mope on your first night at uni – no matter how much you miss your boyfriend – go out and meet the people who will still be your best friends in 15 years’ time (the boyfriend you’re pining after right now won’t last half as long).
On the subject of boys, the ones who will stay in your life long after graduation aren’t the ones you’ll become weirdly but silently obsessed with (second year), cyberstalk long before Facebook was invented (third year) or drunkenly proposition before bursting into tears (first year). They’re the guys you just hang out with, without giving it too much thought. Because it shouldn’t be hard work (although it’s another decade before you’ll work that out).
Money. Stop worrying about it so much – don’t spend every spare moment working to pay back into a never ending black overdraft hole. Instead, get used to checking your bank balance regularly, think about what you’re spending, and not mindlessly whacking your debit card behind the bar every time you get drunk. Figure that one out now, instead of when you’re 32, and you’ll save yourself a fortune in interest, and numerous uncomfortable phone calls with the bank.
A few other things - this is the thinnest you’ll ever be and your skin will sort itself out eventually - so don’t worry about either. I know you’re obsessed with growing your hair longer, and ironing it straight, and you’ll eventually manage both… only to discover long, poker-straight hair really doesn’t suit you.
Oh yeah, don’t buy that strapless prom dress from Warehouse – an expensive mistake. And you’re never going to have a good night out in heels, it just won’t happen. Flat shoes suck right now, but in a few years everyone will realise that heels are for mugs and you’ll discover the pure, unadulterated joy of dancing all night in a pair of trainers.
I should probably give you some words of advice about your actual course, but I don’t think you’re too worried about that - you know you’ll just about scrape by. And spoiler: you do.
Jess Commons, Deputy Editor
Going to university can be scary business but just know that, despite what other people are saying, they’re all scared shitless too. Sure, some people might LOOK like they’ve been there a year when really it’s their first day but trust me on this that you’ll make friends in your own time and, when you do, they’ll be more than just boozing buddies.
In terms of work, don’t freak out about it (especially in first year) but do actually do some. Don’t feel lame for actually reading all the books, sitting at the front of the class and doing all your homework – it’ll put you in good stead for the later, harder years. Equally, if you wake up after drinking the entire student union and think, ‘Oh god sitting in Medieval Literature right now is the worst thing I can possibly think of doing,’ go back to bed and don’t stress. Just don’t make a habit of it.
Join a million societies but don’t worry about not going back if it’s not for you after just one session, the next few years are all about figuring yourself out and, if something’s not your thing, you don’t need to be wasting your time.
If you find yourself having a hard time remember that universities know this is a tough old time for people. Don’t be afraid to admit something’s wrong when it is. Seek help – your university will be much better equipped than the outside world to deal with stuff whether it’s through counselling, tutoring, training or whatever. You’ve got a support network, you might as well use it.
USE YOUR SUMMERS WELL. Never again will you have such a long time off. If you can afford it, go travelling, if not, do some work that will help you out further down the line, even if it seems tenuous.
But most of all, have fun. Don’t feel bad about staying in bed, eating shitty food, drinking all the wine, singing Rihanna on the night bus at 4AM. Forget what they say about your school years. THESE are the best days of your life.
Vicky Spratt, Features Editor
I really, really need you to stop worrying so much. I know you won’t listen but none of this is as bad as it seems. I know everyone else is still in London and you wish you were there but you got into Oxford and that is an incredible thing. It doesn’t feel like it now, but it really is. I know you feel like you don’t belong there because everyone else went to a private or public school (what even is the difference anyway?) and they all seem to know each other already but you have as much right to be there as anyone.
Don’t worry about what other people think, I know that’s hard because you’re living in what feels like a boarding school for young adults, complete with a uniform, and there’s no escape but, honestly, it really doesn’t matter. You’re more excited about the books than the partying. You feel like there’s something wrong with you because everyone else is going nuts in tiny clubs with bad music where there are deals on AppleSourz every night. There’s nothing wrong with you. Be yourself, you’re great as you are and do what feels right. Just because ‘everyone’ is going to The Bridge on a Tuesday doesn’t mean you have to go. You don’t want to go and that’s OK. Save the money and go out with your friends at other colleges, they're some of the best people you'll ever meet. Don't feel bad about going back to London at the weekend because that’s what you want to do.
As a side note: you should really make the most of Fabric when you do go back because they're going to shut it down in ten years' time, along with lots of other really great clubs that you love. By that point you'll get tired at around 1.30am and you won't go on the same sort of nocturnal adventures you're going on now.
I know you feel hard done by because your mates back in London or up in Manchester are going to really good parties while you've got to write two essays a week. Forget about that. You'll more than make up for it later. Read everything. Get up early, suck it up and go to the library because you have an incredible opportunity. Be as pretentious as you like - read Barthes and drink wine. If you were every going to try and work mid-century French existentialist chic now is your time. You'll never have this much time to learn ever again.
It won't work out with the boy. I know you really love him. It's going to suck. There's not much you can do about how much it will hurt but please don't torture yourself. It's OK that you don't fancy anyone else in Oxford, spend time with all the amazing girls you're meeting and worry about dating later. These women will be friends for life.
Finally, if the tutors are horrible to you, which they will be, try and laugh it off. Especially when one of them emails you during the summer holidays to tell you that you’re ‘the worst student they have’. You’re not. This is really, really bad teaching, it’s not a reflection on you. It’s part of some weird psycho drama shit that certain Oxford tutors think will make people achieve more. Report them as soon as you receive that email, Oxford will get better during your time there and that will partly be because people like you will flag up this sort of behaviour. You’ll be weirdly grateful that all of this happened one day: nothing and no one will seem daunting again. You know yourself a lot better than you think you do, trust yourself.
Chemmie Squier, Acting Fashion and Beauty Editor
I know you’re so nervous you could be sick and you’re crying so much that you decided there wasn’t any point in putting on your make-up until you were five minute away but trust me, it will be fine. You’ll think everyone is cooler than you, that they have more friends that you, that after five seconds they already know who they’ll be housemates with in second year: but they’re thinking the exact same thing about you.
You will make friends: you’ll meet some of your best friends who will be in your life forever (I hope). And it will become home, so much so that once Christmas comes, you won’t actually want to go home.
And don’t worry about the first girl you met who said she’d meet you on the quad but didn’t: it would never have worked anyway.
Embrace it, get involved and most importantly, enjoy it.
Natalia Bagniewska, Creative Editor
I think if I could fly over myself as I sat on that bench in Owen’s Park (Manchester’s grimmest yet most popular halls of residence) quaking in my boots as my parents drove off into the sunset, I’d whisper in my 19 year-old ear and say ‘hey, you, it’s actually gonna be really fun’. My main concern over the first few days of uni was the people. I just wasn’t meeting soulmates. I kept being introduced to people and thinking “really?! You?” and feeling depressed because they were nothing like my home friends. This, as it turned out, was an excellent thing and all those weirdos ended up being some of the best friends I ever made and am grateful to this day that I met them, stuck it out and formed valuable friendships with them. I learned that having a really wide social group and having friends to fulfill different things was so much more gratifying than having seven absolute best friends who all did the same thing and had the same taste in clothes and liked the same food and fancied the same guys (just to caveat, these girls are still my absolute best friends). In fact, as I continued to sit on that bench a guy sat down next to me and little did I know he’d end up being one of the best friends I ever had during my Manchester days.
Alyss Bowen, Social Media Editor
If I could tell my 18-year-old, freshers’ self-anything it be that you don’t have to be friends with every single person on the planet. I spent a lot of my teenage years, and early twenties trying to be best friends with everyone and their dog because I wanted to be liked by all. This meant I had lots of ‘best friends,’ who I thought I could count on but when I actually needed support, weren’t there in the way I needed them to be. In reality, not everyone is going to like you, hey they might even hate you, but that’s absolutely fine because as long as you like yourself that’s all that matters. I’d much rather have a couple of close friends I know will be there if I call them crying because I’ve had a shit day that will put their plans on hold, and vice versa - and now luckily I have that and it’s so much better than trying to be best pals with everyone and their dog.
Like this? You might also be interested in:
The Complications Of Introducing Your Home Friends To Your Uni Friends
Follow Vicky on Twitter @Victoria_Spratt
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.