I have been a stepmother for eight years. I came into my stepkids' lives when they were seven, eight and nine. Over the years I have cooked countless meals, hung their washing out, picked them up from the bus stop after school and looked after them when they’ve been ill. Am I genetically related to them? No. But do I love them, look after them, invest my time and energy into them? Yes.
So when I heard JD Vance say that people like Kamala Harris have 'no direct stake' in America as she doesn’t have her own children it made me think, 'Do stepchildren not count?'. He went as far as to call her a 'childless cat lady'. Honestly, I felt angry. He openly attacked blended families like mine and frankly, being a step-parent prepares you for a life of diplomacy more than raising biological children. I've learned that you have to hold your tongue, compromise and co-parent with your partner’s ex which must surely prepare you for the tinderbox of the world stage.
I always thought I would have a ‘conventional’ relationship - meet someone, marry them and have children. But life didn’t take me down that path. It didn’t take the 781,000 stepfamilies currently in the UK in that direction either. There are over 778,000 posts with the #blendedfamily on Instagram and the ‘traditional’ family is evolving with 2.6 million children living with cohabiting couples (not in a marriage or civil partnership).
I remember when Kamala was sworn in as vice president thinking how great it was that she was normalising blended families.
When I met my husband, there weren’t many ‘famous’ step-mums, which is why I started a podcast about being in a step-family called Step Life so people didn’t feel so alone and had other people’s experiences to hear from. I remember in 2021 when Kamala Harris was sworn in as the vice president, thinking how she was helping to normalise blended families and how she positively embraced the role saying how her step-kids, Cole and Ella were 'brilliant, talented, funny kids'. She describes them as 'my endless source of love and pure joy.'
I can certainly relate. I may not be my step-children's ‘real’ parent, but I gained three lovely little (and now not so little) people in my life when I met their dad. They have taught me so much - whether about the latest clothes trends, TV shows or how to use TikTok. And we’ve had so many good times together - holidays, birthday celebrations, family occasions and made so many memories together.
I really appreciate the small things like when they send me a birthday card, or give me a hug or send me a WhatsApp - and I will always cherish what they said about me in the speeches at our wedding. I feel very proud of all three of my stepchildren - and I have my own two little children now, and feel just as proud of my step-kids when they achieve or do something as I do my biological children. I think we’ve come so far from the first time we met and I’m proud of them, proud of us.
Biological parents don’t have a monopoly on kindness, caring and deep feelings for the children that they help bring up. Kamala’s experience as a step-parent will help her be able to see things from other perspectives, have empathy, patience and be selfless which are invaluable traits for a step-mum - and on a larger scale, a President.