They're in the office. You're in the office. You wish they'd notice you were in the office but sadly, they wouldn't notice you were in the office even if one day you walked in totally bald. Work crushes can be hard, but considering the amount of time you spend there, if the guy you sit across from is mega hot then it's going to happen. Look, even if he's a bit hot. Or not hot at all but has a kindly smile. And by 'it's going to happen', I mean 'You're going to fancy him whether or not he fancies you'.
It's called cabin fever guys, and here's how you know you've got it bad.
The sartorial concerns
Officewear becomes less of a stopgap between weekends/evenings and more a chance to show off your legs. Or boobs. Or whatever it is that makes you feel uberhot. Before, you just threw on the same four things on rotation (black pencil skirt, black court shoes, blousey shirt thing and suit jacket) and now you've found yourself Googling 'office casual' and trying to figure out how you can translate catwalk looks to your Monday morning meeting.
The Monday morning meeting fear
Before you developed this crush, you just snoozed your way through the catch ups and presentations, but now you see this for what it really is: the only time in the working week where their eyes are definitely on you. You start making shit jokes. You gesture a lot. You try and touch your mouth because it draws a guy's attention to your lips, according to a teen magazine you read in 1995. Unfortunately the pressure usually gets to you, so you can't answer simple questions like 'Can you repeat that?' and 'Why are you sweating?'.
The weird body positioning
Ramp your chair up, reposition your screen, adopt a strange half-on-the-chair-half-off-the-chair pose so, when they look up from their screen, they're sure to notice you. Mainly because you now look like a human Picasso. The absolute jackpot is if you're best mates with your boss/the girl who sits opposite them so you can orchestrate some sort of shift that results in you getting closer to the POYD (Person Of Your Dreams) but this rarely ever happens.
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The after-work drink you spend weeks subtly implanting in people's minds
'Oh it'd be so cool to go for a drink after work, we never do that,' you say to the office gossip while making shit instant coffee in the cramped kitchen covered in ants. Days later, you hear them mentioning it to someone else and it spreads like wildfire, but the sort of (metaphorical) wildfire that never results in anything actually happening. After much harassment, the day arrives. You don't sleep the night before. They are off sick that day so don't come to the drinks. The world closes in and you leave early, then watch Netflix with a half frozen carrot cake you found at the back of the freezer.
The awkward kitchen encounter
You meet in the kitchen and drop a teabag on their white canvas trainers (if it's a casual office) or work shoe (if it's a normal office). You both laugh and the rest of the day is spent on a high.
The email about the awkward kitchen encounter
'Could you get those numbers to me by 3pm? Or are you going to drop another teabag on my shoe?' Oh my god, this is it. Your subpar motor skills have resulted in an in-joke between you both that you're going to milk for as long as you possibly can. Then you milk io too far and find yourself, seven days later, learning Photoshop specifically so you can create a meme. Of the two of you.
The friendship stage
All it takes is one more in-joke, then you've got two in-jokes. And that leads to full-on friendship. If you can offer to make them tea and draw it out for a two minute chat then yeah, you're basically going to get married - but only if you don't fall into the Friend Zone. You will spend this entire stage paranoid that they're friendzoning you and desperately trying to bring up whether they have a girlfriend without sounding like creepy. Don't ask them, because it'll jeopardise the fragile balance between friendship and love that you're currently cultivating. All will become clear.
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The realisation that they are married
This is usually when they bring their wife to the Christmas party or take paternity leave. Probably get a new job.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.