When a Kardashian gives birth, she does so surrounded by a whole entourage – sisters, friends, momagers, stepfathers, cameramen. So I wasn’t surprised to hear, via TMZ, that Khloé Kardashian reportedly delivered her daughter, True, in the presence of mum Kris, best friend Malika, sisters Kourtney and Kim (who held Khloé’s leg, because Khloé held hers during her labour – it’s a whole leg-labour thing) and even baby-daddy Tristan, despite ill-timed cheating rumours.
When I was pregnant (and freaking out), I found old footage of Kris giving birth to Kendall and Kylie really comforting. It’s like they do labour in the same way they do Super Bowl Sunday or Thanksgiving – it’s just a regular thing, a get-together. The idea of labour being hidden and private supported the rumours I’d heard that I might do things I wouldn’t want people to see, like shit myself, or die. So, a couple of months before my due date, I got to compiling the guest list.
My husband Rich would obviously have to be there because he’s the dad, but also because he works at the hospital so would know where the free stuff was stashed. Then there was my mum, who said she’d coax me through the bloody ordeal with aromatherapy.
I had my doubts as to how helpful a bottle of lavender oil would be versus a shot of pethidine, but thought it would be comforting. If my mum was invited, I figured Dad might as well tag along (he’d know better than to be at the business end). Then I thought I should probably invite my mother-in-law if everyone else would be there. If I was epiduralled up, it might be fine? But I really wanted my best friend there too, because she’s such a calming influence. And she’d want to bring her husband, but that was fine because he always had good snacks on him.
And, like the Kardashians, I’d want my own gynaecologist, someone who already knew her way around my vagina. I also wanted a doula to act as mediator between me and all the other people and remind everyone it was about ME and to stop asking the midwives for a cuppa. Plus,he or she would know all about birth, whereas none of the rest of us did. And a reflexologist would be good. Why not make her another member of Team Get The Baby Out Of The Fanny Or Belly Without Anyone Dying?
![Keeping up with the kardashians](https://images.bauerhosting.com/legacy/media/5ae8/9db8/df01/2334/93da/e888/Kourtney%20giving%20birth%20with%20Khloe%20at%20hospital_1024_Widthjpg.jpg?auto=format&w=1440&q=80)
Ultimately, I thought the more support I had and the more resources I had to throw at the pain and fear, the better the whole experience would be. And all those people would share in this joyous moment and we’d all be bonded together forever.
It turned out my husband was quite anti the idea, however. He worried that family members and friends would interfere, crowd us and block his view of his child’s birth. He wanted it to be just the two of us.
My response was a bit, ‘UNTIL YOU BECOME THE ONE TO GIVE BIRTH I DON’T GIVE A TINY RAT’S ASS.’ And I still planned on texting everyone when my contractions started.
Then the day came and I was like a lone wolf. A lone wolf on a yoga ball. It’s possible that this complete change of tack was due to the fact that labour began with a lot of pooing, which feels best done privately.
It was about 12am when that was done so I didn’t think I should wake anyone up to say, ‘I had a poo, guys.’ And, interestingly, when it did get more painful, company was the last thing I fancied. Even Rich was dispatched so I could go into my own world and not acknowledge what was going on. I was coping by breathing through the pain, sure that I was hours, if not days, away from giving birth.
Now I look back on it, it makes sense. Of course, lots of women feel comforted by the presence of loved ones but, when I’m sick, I like to be alone, and it felt safer in that moment – and more natural somehow– to be unwatched, to do whatever came naturally without fear of judgement or interference. Eventually, it was Rich who insisted we needed help and corralled me into the car.
Off we went to the hospital and, since it was 7am on a Sunday, the assessment unit was mercifully empty. I carried on pacing and mooing in private.
I was almost free-birthing – which is when you do it 100% alone – but an hour in I started to bleed quite heavily. At that point, it was comforting having someone telling me what to do and checking the baby wasn’t coming out feet first. But still I felt alone inside my head – I was in an animal moment of absolute focus, and the women poised at the fanny end were like air-traffic controllers, just kind of waving it out, making sure nothing crashed or exploded.
It didn’t occur to me in the moment to call anyone, not even my mum. A registrar came in to perform an episiotomy, but I didn’t actually ever see her because she was sort of hidden between my legs. Then, suddenly, my baby was born and, after a couple of stitches (which I’m glad my dad and best mate’s husband weren’t there for, actually), everyone left the room. It was just me, my husband and our baby, staring at each other. Rich says there was a midwife delivering tea and toast and, since I hadn’t made it out of the assessment room, there were pregnant women just beyond the curtain being palpated and weighed, but I felt like we were all alone. And it felt amazing.
‘Mum Face: The Memoir Of A Woman Who Gained A Baby And Lost Her Sh*t’ by Grace Timothy (£12.99, HarperCollins) is out now
Click through to see all the best celebrity maternity style pictures...
Celebrity Maternity Style & Pregnancy Fashion gallery
![Blake Lively](https://images.bauerhosting.com/legacy/lifestyle-legacy/96/d6d07/69aa5/0eee3/17710/7072c/b23be/blake-lively-baby-bump_620x713.jpg?auto=format&w=1440&q=80)
Blake Lively
Yes, there was an actual baby bump in there! Blake swathed her bump with a bright cape.
![Benedict Cumberbatch and Sophie Hunter](https://images.bauerhosting.com/legacy/lifestyle-legacy/89/ffdb6/8b471/5d2cf/3c1c1/59fe9/84e36/benedict-c_620x713.jpg?auto=format&w=1440&q=80)
Benedict Cumberbatch and Sophie Hunter
Bene's fiancee Sophie looked boho chic in her drop-waist number recently.
![Ciara](https://images.bauerhosting.com/legacy/lifestyle-legacy/22/4a85d/97c89/3fffb/d2e16/e2b37/c5b27/ciara-baby-bump_620x713.jpg?auto=format&w=1440&q=80)
Ciara
Sometimes an oversized white shirtdress and sneaks is all you need!
![Doutzen Kroes](https://images.bauerhosting.com/legacy/lifestyle-legacy/c2/92095/3921e/78472/ba8ec/1d5a5/022a2/doutzen-kroes_620x713.jpg?auto=format&w=1440&q=80)
Doutzen Kroes
Well, she IS a gorgeous model so skintight even when preggers really isn't a problem for Doutzen.
![Drew Barrymore](https://images.bauerhosting.com/legacy/lifestyle-legacy/3d/bb7e8/0bac5/56de5/60ee8/0d163/14377/drew-barrymore-baby-bump_620x713.jpg?auto=format&w=1440&q=80)
Drew Barrymore
Drew was almost ready to pop with he rsecond child when she rocked up to CinemaCon in March last year wearing sunny yellow.
![Hayden Panettiere](https://images.bauerhosting.com/legacy/lifestyle-legacy/2a/4c500/63109/e3f30/21faf/ccdb3/1ef67/hayden-panettiere_620x713.jpg?auto=format&w=1440&q=80)
Hayden Panettiere
Defying the rules, Hayden slipped into a plunging silver gown for the Emmy's showing off her neat bump and cleavage.
![Isla Fisher](https://images.bauerhosting.com/legacy/lifestyle-legacy/08/c8141/b2c09/ae048/5d38e/ed3c2/88d59/isla-fisher-baby-bump_620x713.jpg?auto=format&w=1440&q=80)
Isla Fisher
No, she really is preggers. This is not a food baby.
![Jacqueline Jossa](https://images.bauerhosting.com/legacy/lifestyle-legacy/7c/11e21/29222/f4f30/ec1bd/3ce40/e73c4/jacqueline-jossa-baby-bump_620x713.jpg?auto=format&w=1440&q=80)
Jacqueline Jossa
The first official sighting of Jacqueline and Dan's wee baby bump was at an awards ceremony last September where the star wore flowing Suzanne Neville.
![Jemima Kirke](https://images.bauerhosting.com/legacy/lifestyle-legacy/27/8140f/4528c/aa9c5/bdcb6/95db7/6ad75/jemima-kirke_620x713.jpg?auto=format&w=1440&q=80)
Jemima Kirke
GIRLS star Jemima kept up the quirky whilst preggers, dying her blonde hair pink.
![Kate Middleton](https://images.bauerhosting.com/legacy/lifestyle-legacy/93/c2501/cbd70/878b6/7686d/3ad83/3070b/kate-middleton-baby_620x713.jpg?auto=format&w=1440&q=80)
Kate Middleton
The Duchess of Cambrige and her second baby bump looked very stylishi in this floor sweeper whilst on a visit to New York at the end of last year.
![Keira Knightley](https://images.bauerhosting.com/legacy/lifestyle-legacy/72/c99ea/ef40c/550f0/c1827/2fb84/fb215/keira-knightley-baby-bump_620x713.jpg?auto=format&w=1440&q=80)
Keira Knightley
Pregnant with her first child, Keira wowed at the BAFTA TV Tea Party in LA over the weekend wearing this golden yellow frock.
![Kerry Washington](https://images.bauerhosting.com/legacy/lifestyle-legacy/56/e53d3/349b4/88408/62037/860c8/8e616/kerry-washington-baby-bump_620x713.jpg?auto=format&w=1440&q=80)
Kerry Washington
Kerry was the epitome of elegance in dusty purple Jason Wu at last year's Oscars.
![Kristin Cavallari](https://images.bauerhosting.com/legacy/lifestyle-legacy/74/47105/66f51/ab248/81223/d2201/400ce/kirsten-cavellari-baby-bump_620x713.jpg?auto=format&w=1440&q=80)
Kristin Cavallari
This is exactly how we'd imagine a gorge beach babe to do maternity. Bet she'd done yoga that morning, too.
![Kimberley Walsh](https://images.bauerhosting.com/legacy/lifestyle-legacy/47/bb663/6acbb/0ce08/0eea0/40e88/21eca/kimberley-walsh-baby-bump_620x713.jpg?auto=format&w=1440&q=80)
Kimberley Walsh
Dressed down in a striped midi and sandals, Kim looked very comfy and relaxed through her pregnancy.
![Kourtney Kardashian](https://images.bauerhosting.com/legacy/lifestyle-legacy/6a/401cc/ae066/8a5a8/e7418/87a98/82da2/kourtney-k-baby-bump_620x713.jpg?auto=format&w=1440&q=80)
Kourtney Kardashian
We loved Kourtney K in stripes, pregs with her third bubba Reign!
![Kristen Bell](https://images.bauerhosting.com/legacy/lifestyle-legacy/54/5e4f6/27d83/3b0e7/7889c/2ae2f/8aa0f/kristen-bell-baby-bump_620x713.jpg?auto=format&w=1440&q=80)
Kristen Bell
We'd like to wear this flattering Monique L'Hullier dress now, thankyouverymuch.
![Lake Bell](https://images.bauerhosting.com/legacy/lifestyle-legacy/dd/5c225/ccd58/4c8d0/0217a/21fec/13f23/lake-bell-baby-bump_620x713.jpg?auto=format&w=1440&q=80)
Lake Bell
Working red carpet fashion avec a baby bump in Tommy Hilfiger at the Met Gala 2014.
![Liv Tyler](https://images.bauerhosting.com/legacy/lifestyle-legacy/64/a25d5/fbea5/d94f5/3f17b/a4b53/0db90/liv-tyler-baby-bump_620x713.jpg?auto=format&w=1440&q=80)
Liv Tyler
Dungarees were MADE for baby bumps! And decorating. And vibing the 90s.
![Miroslava Duma](https://images.bauerhosting.com/legacy/lifestyle-legacy/28/94276/f88da/04713/b2c79/0e374/ebf1b/miroslava-duma-baby-bump_620x713.jpg?auto=format&w=1440&q=80)
Miroslava Duma
Working fashion week madness whilst heavily pregs? No problem for Russian style editor Miro.
![Olivia Wilde](https://images.bauerhosting.com/legacy/lifestyle-legacy/65/341fa/43ab1/42de0/33f5e/41099/d3082/olivia-wilde-baby-bump_620x713.jpg?auto=format&w=1440&q=80)
Olivia Wilde
Possibly the coolest, most glam sequin-covered baby bump EVER.
![Rosamund Pike](https://images.bauerhosting.com/legacy/lifestyle-legacy/95/0eba2/b2d1c/58802/bd114/b3b1a/364f5/rosamund-pike-baby-bump_620x713.jpg?auto=format&w=1440&q=80)
Rosamund Pike
Whoever said all-nude errrythang was wrong needs to look at Pike and think again.
![Rachel Bilson](https://images.bauerhosting.com/legacy/lifestyle-legacy/7b/f78d7/dbdf4/b8f98/28e03/e9591/01626/rachel-bilson-baby-bump_620x713.jpg?auto=format&w=1440&q=80)
Rachel Bilson
Off-duty, hitting the shops and looking lovely in a cool smock and shorts.
![Zoe Saldana](https://images.bauerhosting.com/legacy/lifestyle-legacy/0e/01dbb/f61a9/d5b1e/50a89/fe95f/5d2cf/zoe-saldana-baby-bump_620x713.jpg?auto=format&w=1440&q=80)
Zoe Saldana
So pregnant and SO pretty in pink rocking a Christian Dior hi-lo hem frock.