‘I’m Due To Return To Work After Maternity Leave, But Everyone’s Still Working From Home And I Feel Totally Lost’

In a world of in­spi­ra­tional memes and #girlboss In­sta­gram posts, it’s easy to for­get that we all get stuck at work, or feel like we can’t find a way for­ward at times. Sue Uner­man is the Chief Trans­for­ma­tion Of­fi­cer at Me­di­a­Com and Kathryn Ja­cob OBE is the Chief Ex­ec­u­tive at Pearl and Dean. To­gether they wrote The Glass Wall: Suc­cess Strate­gies For Women At Work And Busi­nesses That Mean Busi­ness. Their new book Belonging, The Key to Transforming and Maintaining Diversity, Inclusion and Equality At Work is out on now. Each week an­swer your work ques­tions with prag­matic, hon­est ad­vice that’s proven to work…

Q: I went on maternity leave during the first lockdown. I’m now due back at work in July 2021. My first child will be a year old, and I know that returning to work can be problematic. I feel very apprehensive about how I will deal with work because I haven’t had experience of remote working from home or even the hybrid ways of working that I assume are on their way. Can you give me some advice about how to navigate this? My husband is being very supportive, but I know that in some ways he would just like me to stay at home. I do want my career back though, even though my mat leave has been great, I worked very hard for my career so far.

KJ: Firstly, congratulations. Its not unusual to feel how you are feeling at the moment. Returning to any workplace feels different after a maternity leave. Hopefully your colleagues will be aware of this. Secondly, and practically, have you got childcare in place to enable you to return and be secure in the knowledge that your baby is being looked after? Thirdly, have you used your “keep in touch” days to investigate what the new routines of remote working are and how people are coping?

SU: The workplace to which you are returning is nothing like the workplace of 2019 that you were used to. Not yet anyway, and depending on your company’s policies, it may not look and feel like that for a long time, possibly some commentators think, never again (although there are other voices who think things will return to the previous status quo). Personally, I think that the remainder this year is an opportunity to reset the culture and ways of working that could change things for everyone’s better work/life blend and well being. As anyone who has read either of our books (Glass Wall and Belonging) would know, we don’t believe that the office status quo of 2019 was designed for well being of most people. It was designed to suit a few workaholic men with full time stay at home partners, and this doesn’t suit all kinds of people with talent, including new mums. In fact our research for Belonging spelt this out, a quarter of returning mums said they had been passed over for promotions or pay rises because of their status.

KJ: A lot of returning mums feel as though they are seen as less than they were before they became parents. This is of course nonsense as most working mothers bring focus and deadline management to tasks they are given knowing that they have essentially two jobs. Even when partners play an equal role in childcare our experience is that mothers take most of the mental load in terms of remembering/organising playdates, school or nursery events and other aspects of family life. The key thing is to be kind to yourself. Focus on what you want to deliver at work and at home. Be ruthless in that focus. If this means you have to say no, just say: “that doesn’t work for me”. Don’t make excuses or feel guilty. Be firm. If you look after yourself you will be able to contribute more to your family and work life.

SU: Clear communication is essential. Recently I learnt of a new mum returner who had been put into an urgent new business pitch the week of her return from mat leave. Her baby had a chest infection. She was under huge pressure, and of course distracted with (even more) sleepness nights than usual, and a very high stakes experience at work. To begin with she simply got on with it, but of course was a bit shaky, but then she confided in one of the pitch leaders and this transformed the situation. She got extra support, sympathy and the leeway she needed. Please do confide in those around you. They may have gone through the same experience themselves in which case they will immediately empathise and help. Even if they have never had this experience, if you are very clear about what is going on, and if you can be specific about the extra support that you might need this should be forthcoming. To be frank, if it isn’t this isn’t the end of the world or your career either. You might need to reach outside of your immediate team to someone else in the organisation who can empathise and help. But no-one can guess what is going on at home, or what you are going through, if you don’t communicate.

KJ: Share your concerns and your situation as we cannot expect our managers to know everything, they are not psychic after all. They will feel sensitive around your return, and want to make it good for you. But they can only do that if they have the full picture. And know your priorities. This is the start of a new and exciting chapter and I am certain that you will thrive when you are back.

SU: And remember, there are two of you involved in this, your partner needs to support you and your career too. It may well have suited him that you were at home and not working during the last year, but he has to add some flexibility into his work/life blend too when you go back to work. The wonderful Helen Reardon-Bond, who was the architect of the UK Government Gender Pay Gap reporting, once said to us: “They used to say that behind every great man there was a great woman, now I believe that behind every great woman there is a man without a chip on his shoulder”. Good luck with your return to work, and remember to ask for support and look after yourself.