In a world of inspirational memes and #girlpost Instagram posts, it’s easy to forget that we all get stuck at work, or feel like we can’t find a way forward at times. Sue Unerman is the Chief Transformation Officer at MediaCom and Kathryn Jacob OBE is the Chief Executive at Pearl and Dean. Together they wrote The Glass Wall: Success Strategies For Women At Work And Businesses That Mean Business. Each week answer your work questions with pragmatic, honest advice that’s proven to work…
Q: I’m worried about a colleague. She seems very withdrawn and quiet and I’m not sure how to approach her without her thinking I’m being nosy or intrusive. What should I do?
KJ: Why not start off by saying how are you, and simply ask her if she’d like to go for a walk. If you’re feeling psychologically vulnerable the office can be one of the hardest places to face into. So a simple how are you? (rather than what’s wrong? which can be perceived to be negative) can open up a conversation.
SU: In fact, if the answer to 'how are you' is 'I’m fine,' ask again. Quietly say, really how are you, because the first time of asking might just seem like politeness, but the second time says you mean it. Feeling vulnerable in the office happens to everyone sometimes, but it’s very hard as Kathryn says to open up about it. So, at my office, MediaCom, we’ve introduced a mental health allies scheme. Over 60 of us have had specific training on how to help others with the hope that there is always someone you can talk to. The allies wear identifying lanyards and their email address identifies this role too. With the stress of the modern workplace and the wider stresses of life in general we felt that much more needed to be actively done to help out anyone who’s not feeling 100%. One in four people in the UK are affected by mental illness.
KJ: Some people find it very hard to articulate that they’re having an issue, the important thing is to give them time. Be resilient in your support. If you think there is a persistent problem keep listening and reassuring your colleague. All workplaces need to be more aware that these issues face lots of people and that it doesn’t manifest itself in just one specific way. Workplaces should be open to allowing people to discuss their difficulties without it being a stigma.
SU: Sometimes it’s difficult to know what to say. Time to Change is an organisation that is dedicated to changing how we think and act about mental health problems. Their website is really helpful about how to support someone, and with personal stories. It also clearly explains types of problems that people might encounter and separates the facts from the many myths unhelpfully surrounding the issue.
KJ: One of the people I know had an experience that sounds similar to your own. A colleague shut themselves off from everyone at work. This person told me: “We all thought they were really busy, too busy to talk to us all. It turned out that they had depression but were really worried about talking about it. They thought that we would all immediately think that they couldn’t cope with their work. They believed that effectively saying that they were depressed was like resigning from the job because they would be seen to be unreliable and not to be trusted with projects, which as it was a project driven business model felt like an insurmountable problem. In fact, being at work was the most solid part of this person’s life and there were many other areas that they were struggling with.”
SU: As with so many issues feeling all alone with the problem doesn’t help. If one in four people face some kind of mental illness then almost certainly people in your immediate team have either experienced this themselves personally or through a loved one. Its extraordinary if you think about it that we can all sign ourselves off easily with flu with no stigma but not do the equivalent for something this widespread. My experience is that allowing your team member to talk and listening properly, rather than jumping in with solutions, is the way to help.
We regularly talk in this column about The Glass Wall, which holds back women from the careers they deserve in the work place, but today I’d like to mention the Glass Slipper. The Glass Slipper afflicts everyone who doesn’t fit the culture and expectations of their chosen career. There are many unspoken expectations wrapped up in the job you take, fuelled by years of cultural imagery. For example, an investigative journalist is expected to be hungry, edgy, a bit tired looking and fearless. A chef is meant to be sweary and aggressive.
If you’re a comfortable well rested journalist, does that make you less good at chasing down a story?
If you’re efficient and relaxed are you a worse chef?
If you don’t participate in media’s drinking culture are you less likely to progress?
A professor at the University of Colorado, Karen Lee Ashcraft, wrote a paper identifying this issue. Ashcraft writes that some occupations have come to be “naturally possessed” of features that fit certain people much more than others. If you have ambitions to progress within an organisation that is characterised with attributes that don’t come naturally to you, then you may feel under huge pressure to adopt them, even if it means hiding your real identity day in and day out.
This can put an enormous strain on people and the effort it takes is not only exhausting but of course therefore detracts from the energy that would otherwise be available for doing good work. And in some situations can lead to a break down.
KJ: What Sue is saying is as well as reaching out to your colleague is it worth considering whether the team culture or company culture truly allows diverse people to thrive. If not then consider escalating this independently of just one person’s situation. Good luck and we wish you and your colleague well. For more information and support, including urgent help, you can visit Mental Health charity Mind.
For more information on Grazia's campaign calling for better mental health provisions in the workplace, visit Where's Your Head At.
Sue and Kathryn’s book The Glass Wall, Success Strategies For Women At Work And Businesses That Mean Business is available from Amazon.
Have you got a question you’d like Sue and Kathryn to answer? Email your questions to feedback@graziamagazine.co.uk. Please note, we will be unable to respond to every single question we receive, and will not be able to respond to any questions personally