It's odd how unprepared most of us are for death, given that it's one of life's only certainties.
I spent hours and hours as a teenager planning a wedding that I might never have, but until recently had given no thought at all to my funeral, something which is definitely going to take place eventually.
Eighteen months ago, that changed. I started writing a novel titled The Will, and in doing so I realised just how important it is to leave a clear cut plan for dealing with your death. To state the obvious: once you’re dead you can’t answer any questions. The last thing your family needs is to be casting around trying to find out if you ever indicated your views on cremation versus burial, or if you had a specific song you wanted played. So despite not being quite 30, and feeling far too young, I made a will.
The Willis a story about a family who hand a huge old country house down from generation to generation, leaving a letter to explain why the next owner has been chosen. In my story the letters go missing and it turns into a twisty mystery. Obviously that’s fiction, and the idea is to enjoy the drama. But while I was writing it I realised that one of the few gifts you can leave your family is a plan. By writing a very good, very specific will, you can ensure that no-one is left with questions about your intentions.
I’ve noticed as I’ve got older and had more experience of death, that the labour of grieving always seems to fall to the women. It’s the sisters and daughters and wives who pour the tea, call the church, write the cheque for the flowers, and liaise with the lawyers. Unsurprising, probably, given that women still do 60% more domestic labour than men. But I was determined that my final impact on the world wasn’t going to be leaving a whole load more work for other people.
Making a will doesn’t have to be at all complicated or expensive. If you want to keep things really simple you can buy the papers from WH Smith and do it all yourself.
Personally, I used a service called Farewill, which guides you through the process step by step. You’ll leave useful details about your finances, can specifically leave any belongings to a named person, and pick an executor or two. You can either pay to use Farewill (starting at £90) or a similar online service, or you can do it for free if you agree to leave some money to charity. Lots of different charities offer this service. Personally, I went for Marie Curie, but there are various options including the National Trust and the NSPCC. You pick how much money you want to leave them in your will, and you get the will done for free up front.
Once your will is done you’ll need to update it if anything major changes in your life. If you have a child you’ll need to make provision for them if you die, deciding who would bring them up if it’s not their other parent. If you buy a house, get a new pension fund or get married then it’s much the same thing. The beauty of online will writing services is that you can pop back and update it as and when you feel like it.
People who are grieving aren’t in a great state to negotiate with each other calmly, which is why so many families are destroyed by fights over wills. The fights are usually ostensibly about money, but really they’re about wanting to feel recognised and loved by the person who has died. These fights are always caused by a lack of clarity of intention. The greatest gift you can leave your family is complete clarity, because it protects them from fighting with each other.
Did I enjoy thinking about what hymns I want at my funeral, and who would raise my child? No. It was thoroughly depressing. But I know from real life and from writing my novel, that the result of being unprepared for death is chaos. Especially if you die young, but no matter when it happens. It’s a truly unselfish act to get a will now, hopefully many decades before you need it.