Harnaam Kaur, 24, has just become the new face of beauty brand Illamasqua. Its a far cry from her teen years, when she was an easy target for bullies. Here, she talks to Grazia about the letter she wrote her younger self...
I cried and cried as I sat trying to come up with the words to write a letter to my little self, to the child who experienced years of abuse because of her size, the colour of her skin and her facial hair. I’ve always been bullied, all the way back to nursery, when I would come home covered in scratches. At first it was body shaming – my skin colour, the fact that I was a large child – but as I hit puberty, the nature of the abuse changed. Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) caused me to start growing facial hair. I didn’t notice it at first, but the bullies made me look in the mirror. I went through years of pain trying to get rid of it, only for the hair to come back stronger.
By 16, I was in a deep, dark hole. I could see that trying to change who I am was making me unhappy. I was at a point where I thought about ending my life– the shame was getting too much. The only thing I had left to try was to stop shaving, to live with the hair. It took a lot of inner strength, but I told myself I couldn’t let the bullies win and that I deserved to live happily like everyone else.
It was a battle. I had friends, but when all you can see is darkness, that reassurance feels empty. It was only the support of my younger brother, who was my rock, which really got me through.
And I have got through it. I’m 24 now and finally feel content with my looks. My appearance can hinder relationships, but I try to see my beard as a filter – sifting out the idiots. I’m single right now, but I’m open to dating a man or a woman. Going through all this, I’ve realised the outside doesn’t matter. It’s about meeting someone who loves me for me.
I’ve also found a career as a ‘plus size’ model and body-confidence activist. I coach people to feel comfortable in their bodies and find the strength to love themselves regardless of who they are and what they look like. Body shaming kills people, but through my work I can help promote images of diversity – to show everyone that being yourself is what’s beautiful. We should be ourselves unashamedly. It’s inspiring, too, to see fashion and cosmetic brands taking on people who are so diverse, like Winne Harlow, who has the skin condition vitiligo, and my friend Tess Holliday, the size 26 model. The fact that a make-up brand is taking on me – a bearded lady! – is amazing. I love them for that.
When they asked me to write the letter, as part of their anti-bullying campaign, I felt compelled to. I wanted to reach out to my younger self, to the person who hated this body so much she wanted to kill it off – and tell her it was all OK.
Of course, there is still some nastiness on social media, people who are not so open-minded. But mostly, I’ve been overwhelmed by how many people have reached out to me. There’s so much love and support. Some people from school have even apologised, but I’ve come to a point where I don’t need an apology. I cried when I was writing the letter, not because of the horrible things I went through, but because I’d come out the other side. Now I want to celebrate my body, and I can finally do that.
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