You may well have heard the phrase 'What you focus on grows' and while it seems so simple, the power of this concept, particularly in shaping our thoughts, perceptions, and reality, is far more profound than we give it credit for. When we have the tools to bring this mantra into our everyday lives, then we not only feel more in control, but more empowered, calm and grounded, too.
The human brain is an intricate, dynamic system capable of incredible feats of adaptation. One of its most remarkable features is neuroplasticity - the brain’s ability to reorganise itself by forming new neural connections throughout life. Neuroplasticity is what allows us to learn new skills, develop habits, and adapt to changes.
However, I often refer to the mind as a dated computer that hasn't caught up with the modern world as yet. It is steeped in the owner's life history with their own limits, beliefs and patterns, so continues to work in this way unless reprogrammed. All thoughts travel through neural pathways like electrical currents. When we think a particular thought repeatedly, the pathway becomes stronger and more ingrained. The more we focus on what's wrong - our failures, frustrations, or fears - the more deeply embedded these thought patterns become.
Conversely, when we consciously shift our focus to the positive aspects of life, we create and strengthen new neural pathways that support optimism and overall wellbeing. So, how do you do that?
There is a part of the brain that filters information based on what we deem important. The Reticular Activating System (RAS) is responsible for the fact that once you start focusing on something - say, you’re thinking of buying a red car - you suddenly start seeing red cars everywhere. This is because your brain filters out irrelevant information and highlights what aligns with your current focus.
The same principle applies to parenting. If we continually focus on what’s ‘wrong’ in our parenting skills or child's behaviour, our brains will filter our experiences in a way that highlights the negative. So then we focus on the negative and bring more of it into our reality.
By shifting our focus to positivity, we essentially train our brain to seek out and amplify positive experiences, reinforcing a cycle of emotional well-being. The more we focus on what’s good, the more we rewire our brains to recognise and cultivate positivity.
In my personal parenting experience there are definitely moments of overwhelm. There is no ‘right way’ so there will always be learnings. However, when you can harness the power for the mind and focus on what's working well, joy, love and awareness then that is what you bring into your reality and the whole family benefits.
The place to start with retraining your mind to positive thoughts is to ground yourself and create space. With space comes clarity of decisions as to next steps, emotional control and increased awareness of the thought going on. This isn't about avoiding negativity but retraining your brain in the moment towards the positive resilience.
Here are five daily habits to ground yourself in less than 30 seconds...
Five daily habits to ground yourself
Box breathing
Inhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, exhale for four seconds then rest for four seconds. Repeat this cycle four times and it will create calm throughout your body and space for you to think.
Ground into the earth
Focus on your feet, imagine roots coming out of the soles of your feet and being anchored to the centre of the earth. Feel yourself supported in the moment and allow yourself space to breathe.
Practice gratitude
One of the simplest ways to shift your mindset generally is by cultivating gratitude. Research has shown that people who regularly practise gratitude experience greater levels of happiness, optimism, and even better physical health. Start with three things you are grateful for and build from there.
Heart coherence breath work
Put your hand on your heart and breathe in for four seconds, hold for four seconds and out for eight and repeat. Think about a time when you felt loved and sit with that feeling. Love is a very powerful emotion, allowing your body to settle.
Intentional focus
Start the day with strong intentions to focus on the good things, what's going well, and how calm you are. Over time this will train your brain to be a new habit for you and calmness will feel like a normal state.
Charlotte Carter is one of the UK’s leading High-Performance mentors and the founder and CEO of I Dare To Leap Ltd helping leaders and business owners to live life in flow and create a life of expansion from the inside out. Wo_rking 1:1, hosting retreats or high level group programmes Charlotte has an innate ability to meet people where they are at and transform their limits and blocks that they didn’t even know they had, so they can live the life they are here to live. Her signature 6 month programme ULTRA is one of the leading programmes in the area of high performance and energetics and the palace to be for rapid personal growth and development. Enrolment is open now and next cohort starts Jan 2025_
