Great news kids, according to composer (and husband to the excellent Tina Fey) Jeff Richmond, the Mean Girls musical is ’60 percent written’ and, while he also said there's probably not going to be a song called *Fetch, *he did say that they're hoping to start doing some readings by summer(!!!!).
Here's a few of our humble suggestions if Jeff so wants them....
Old Blonde Song
This one’s actually been confirmed by Jeff and it’s a song sung by Regina’s mother (aka Amy Poehler obvs). We’re hoping for a big bawdy Les Mis Master Of The House number as the Juicy Couture clad mom weaves her way across stage clutching a Cosmo in one hand and waxes lyrical about the very real struggle of trying to compete in the beauty stakes with her teenage daughter. Bonus points for a group of child dancers pretending to be Regina’s little sister pulling big and entirely inappropriate shapes under the guise of Kelis in the Milkshake video.
The Saddest Song In The World
How’s about a soliloquy from the girl that doesn’t even go there? A sort of Fantaine (sorry Les Mis is the only musical I can actually hack) On My Own type song lit by a single spotlight about how no-one gets on like they used to in middle school any more, and the simple joys of baking a cake made out of rainbows and smiles. Plus, would be a good excuse to use the trapdoor (the most fun of theatre props) to ditch her quickly when Damian shouts ‘She doesn’t even go here’.
The big first act closer
Always important to round off the first act with a big number that’s keep the audience going through the intermission. Our humble recommendation? Jingle Bell Rock… obvs. It’s a no brainer; the song’s already in place, the costumes too, audience participation is guaranteed… plus it gives Regina’s mum a chance to hop on the good foot and do the bad thing up and down the aisles.
Halloweeeeen
Seems a shame to get the whole cast in fancy costumes and not sing a big old song. Perhaps they could knock off the Backstreet Boys Everybody (Backstreet’s Back) dance? The one from the creepy old house with the flippy hands? It’ll be nostalgia overload.
Gretchen Weiners time to shine
Perhaps the most underrated character from the film, Gretchen Weiners is pretty much every insecurity you’ve had in your entire life, piled into one character and turned up to eleven. Give the girl her own song, it’ll do wonders for her self confidence; until Regina interrupts her halfway through ☹
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.