So men have been striking stereotypical girl poses all over Instagram in truly hilarious fashion (nothing like a burly dude doing the hand-on-hip-head-at-an-angle pose), so we thought we’d take to Tinder and see what would happen if a girl (me) struck stereotypical male poses.
We’ve all seen the kooky guy in the joke outfit, the thoughtful man with the snuggly jumper who is inexplicably outside holding some books, the boy who casually poses with an award, the motorcycle machoman – so far, so Tinder.
But what would they look like modelled by someone with boobs? Weird, is the answer. And spookily accurate.
The ‘I’m A Fun Party Animal And Haven’t Progressed Beyond Bar Crawls At Uni’ Guy
Swipe right if you’re up for going out to Tiger Tiger dressed as a Domino’s pizza box despite the fact he’s pushing 30. He’ll also drink Snakebite a lot and spend hours talking about some hilarious time he stole a Tesco trolley.
The ‘I’m A Thoughtful Man Who Will Feed Both Your Heart And Your Soul’ Guy
Swipe right if you like a guy who is painfully shy and will, at some point in the evening, say he likes photographing the female form. Nude.
The ‘What I’m Just Holding This Award, I Am An Award-Winning Guy’ Guy
Swipe right if you find David Brent from The Office really attractive, and you’re incredibly easily impressed.
The ‘Do It Like A Boss’ Guy (Probably Works In IT)
Swipe right if you enjoy hearing about his career trajectory and the minutae of the new business he’s looking to get off the ground. Plus, how great his mum is as a housemate and how look, it’s not sad, even though loads of people think it’s sad because he has a great car and his bedroom is nowhere near, so he can get freaky whenever he likes OK?!
The ‘I’m Not Even Trying In My Picture Who Do I Think This Is Going To Attract?’ Guy
Swipe right if you like monotone voices and discussions about your commute.
The ‘I Live In Dalston And I’m Intellectual But Also Sexy And Look At My Arm’ Guy
Swipe right if you don’t mind being Instagrammed daily, and going to places purely for their aesthetic value. Also, you’ll enjoy hanging out with this guy if you can adequately pretend you’ve read Dostoevsky (or actually have), and are able to quote things. Must also like Spaced and going to pop-up events, regardless of what the event actually is. Oh, and it’s worth starting up a kooky hobby while you’re at it. Like bike painting, pencil sculpting or collecting cereal boxes.
The ‘I’m A Ladies Man And I Probably Have A Small Penis’ Guy
Swipe right if you like international sons of oligarchs who will take you out, ply you with expensive alcohol and turn out to be absolutely dreadful kissers. Like grade A awful. Tongues everywhere. He’ll then text you three days later, using so many emojis and such intense textspeak that you think for a moment he’s just sent you a postcode.
The ‘Will Shoot Deer On A First Date Carries Umbrella Everywhere Outdoorsy’ Guy
Swipe right if you like eccentric old money guys who like tramping around forests and saying things like ‘tramping around forests’. They will refer to walks as rambles and despise all manner of lie-ins. Also, when you’re on one of those rambles, don’t be surprised if, when you point out a cute (endangered) red squirrel, he takes out a gun and shoots it, turns it into a hair bobble and expects you to wear it on special occasions.
The ‘I Have A Motorbike What More Do You Need To Know About Me I’m Like James Dean’ Guy
Swipe right if you like... motorbikes. And talking about motorbikes. And looking at pictures of motorbikes. And asking questions like, ‘Is it scary to be on a motorbike?’
The ‘Cute And Non-Intimidating But Borderline Creepy And Probably Not As Young As He Looks’ Guy
Swipe right if you like people who cry after sex.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.