The process of having a poo in unfamiliar territory is nothing short of a military operation. The precision has to be second to none. There is no room for error; one false move and the entire house will know you've just had a dump in the downstairs dunny and, because we can't seem to get over the poo thing, no one wants that.
There's a scene in Dumb And Dumber that haunts me because I'm basically convinced it'll happen to me one day. If you haven’t seen it, watch it now, and live the rest of your life safe in the knowledge that, if your poo sitch really is that bad, you can just detach the bowl and poor the contents out of the window. Sorted.
Twitter user @_blotty knows just the kind of panic that can happen after going for a poo at a date's house, and she shared the entire horrifying experience with the world.
What really hits home is how relatable the situation is: show me a person who hasn't considered putting a poo in their bag out of sheer panic and I'll show you a liar. This is only one option and we've already had a think about a few poo-hacks for when you're away with a new significant other and you're not quite comfortable about doing that yet.
Other things she could have done as brainstormed in Debrief HQ include: running out of the house with it to throw it in an outside bin and returning on the claim that you're in the middle of a run streak, stuffing it down the plug, hiding it behind the toilet, throwing it out of the window... I mean, desperate times call for desperate measures and you shouldn't underestimate people's creativity in high-stress situations.
On that note, let's all try and get over our bowel movements so we can stop walking around with poo in our bags, yeah?
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.