When it comes to party political speeches, especially at Conference season when all eyes are on you, you've got to make a mark. George Osborne, the Chancellor of the Exchequer did this by riffing off of that opening speech from Trainspotting. And the writer of the book – who's about as left wing as they come – is not impressed.
The passage, which is narrated by Ewan McGregor in the 1996 film, goes a bit like this: 'Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a fucking big television. Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers… Choose fixed-interest mortgage payments. Choose a starter home… Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you've spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life…'
It's a comment on how boring life is when you follow the rules and adhere to dull consumerism. Sorry to give away any spoilers but it's also the narration of a heroin addict as he pelts down the street away from the police. He's stolen some electronic goods so he can sell them for drugs money. The speech is at its very basic level all about staying on gear. It's hardly a pro-government statement, and it's hardly a pro-Conservative statement.
But at the Tory party conference in Birmingham, Osborne had this to say: 'Choose jobs. Choose enterprise. Choose security. Choose prosperity, investment, fairness, freedom. Choose David Cameron, choose the Conservatives, choose the future!'
And Irvine Welsh, who wrote the book, had this to say:
(Just FYI, Fred and Rose West were notorious killers who pretty much neglected and abused their children. Irvine might have had them on the brain because Donald Trump had just been pranked into tweeting a tribute to them.)
Irvine then gave an interview to Vice where he took apart Osborne's policies, calling him 'a fucking twat', then tweeted that his reasons for calling George that are far beyond his ripping off of Trainspotting:
If Osborne wants to borrow from books or films to get his point across, may we strongly suggest him reciting all of *Gone Girl *next. It might make absolutely no sense, and last a few hours, but people loved that book, didn't they?
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Picture: Rex, Getty
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.