How 2020 Redefined Our Friendships For Good

Emma Jane Unsworth, Grazia’s Friendeavours columnist, on five ways our friendships have been redefined in this hugless, publess year...

1. We took it outside

Out is truly the new in. Alfresco meet-ups – bench dates, distanced walks – are the acceptable way to catch up IRL. They’ve felt strangely pressured, with even a simple ‘How are you?’ mutating into a relative, loaded question. It’s not like a Zoom meeting where you can dress well from the waist up, angle your camera away from your clutter and flick on a ring light. Your pals know you; they eyeball your truths in the stark light of day. My tip: remember everyone feels a bit odd, and meetings with friends should be more like those at the Quaker Meeting House, with people speaking when they choose around a sacred silence. Amen to that.

2. We recalibrated

In terms of the new normal, everyone is at a different re-entry point. I’ve spent a lot of the year feeling out of sync with my friends as we juggle new routines and try to restabilise. A lot of us feel anxious about group settings. To hug or not to hug? It’s a LOT. ‘It’s like the smoking thing,’ my friend Alex said. ‘You know when you used to ask people whether they minded you smoking near them? Now you have to ask them whether they mind the fact you went into a shop yesterday.’ The solution? Talk first. Hug later. And maybe say ‘no’ a bit more in future? Rather than say yes to every event and winding up feeling frantic and exhausted. Just a thought.

READ MORE: Re-Entry Etiquette: 'It’s All About Learning Friends’ Contact Threshold'

3. We felt the hive love

Not on social media (which I’ve found pretty intolerable for much of 2020), but group messaging. Everyone’s become slightly socially inept, meaning that friendship works better in small, perfectly formed groups where you can get your needs fulfilled with a few thumb dabs. There’s less pressure on individuals that way. It’s like my friend Jess said: ‘It’s not a marathon, it’s a relay, and we’ve got to pass the support baton.’ (After dousing it with anti-bac, obvs.)

4. Our social skills rusted

Lockdown turned us all into introverts. Getting back in the swing isn’t easy. Think of it like a runner easing into a jog after an injury. Socialising is something you have to practise to be any good at it. The more calls you make and take, the more proficient you’ll feel. Communication is a muscle: you have to flex it or it wastes away.

READ MORE: I've Found An Ingenious Way Of Keeping My Friends Close This Winter

5. We befriended new people

My postie and I used to run past each other on the path; now we’re on first-name terms. It’s nice. I feel like I’m appreciating the little everyday details and savouring human connections. Looking at it cynically, there aren’t that many places to meet people any more: parties, for example, are a social relic. On a deeper level, I think that with friendship, like love, the regular channels are often the most reliable; other times, it’s the ones that come out of the blue that give you a much-needed, fresh perspective.

READ MORE: 'The Postman, The Ocado Delivery Man, My Doorstep Has Become A Place For New Friends'