We’ve all experienced that brief moment of horror when you’ve realised your period is late and there’s a slight chance you might be up the duff with that bloke you did too many tequila shots with in Oceana a few weeks ago. No? Just me? Moving on then.
If you haven’t had a pregnancy scare of your own then chances are you have a friend or two who has. And as you all gather patiently around that clear blue pregnancy stick, the conversation normally turns to what life with a baby would actually be like. We rarely consider the reality of being pregnant or giving birth – and truth be told, we think about this even less when it’s our mate who may be expecting.
But imagine if your friend was pregnant and decided she wanted you to be her birthing partner? That’s exactly what happened to 22-year-old Sarah* last year, when her best friend asked her just that. Here’s what she learned.
It no longer matters whether you like your friend’s boyfriend
Before promoting a guy from casual bed buddy to full-time boyfriend, we normally take into account the opinions of our nearest and dearest, but if your friend is pregnant, then your opinion on the guy in question is no longer relevant.
‘Part of me was like, oh but you can do so much better, but I was also excited for her because you do have to be a supportive friend,’ says Sarah, who openly admits to not having liked her friend’s ex.
It will make or break your friendship
‘Our friendship was definitely tested and such an intense experience will make you question if it’s actually worth it,’ says Sarah, after admitting that she felt she had to step into the dad’s shoes. 'Emotionally it was very difficult to come to terms with as she was relying on me more heavily than she may have done in other circumstances.’
In normal situations, you might just air your beef with your BFF, but when she’s pregnant and hormonal, you’ll probably find yourself biting your tongue more often that.
‘There were times when she would get really upset if I couldn’t make an antenatal class because of work. I felt so bad, I almost got my boyfriend to go in my place! I definitely felt like she could have been more understanding in those situations, but I would never hold it against her because she was vulnerable and in need of support, so it was OK for her to be selfish.’
And any other relationships you have in your life
Juggling a new relationship can be hard enough at the best of times – let alone when you’re already playing family with a friend!
‘I felt a strain on my relationship with my boyfriend because all of my spare time was spent on her. She would often stay at his house with me and after a while you do start to feel like you’re in a relationship of three,’ admits Sarah.
Luckily, her boyfriend was quite an understanding chap and supported her through it all.
You’ll learn things about the human body you’d rather not know
Like the fact the umbilical cord is bluer than Papa Smurf and the placenta is a big balloon of grossness.
‘I learnt a lot that I’d have been OK not learning! I did not need to know that the vagina could actually rip during the birth! That was my limit – I was like I’m not watching them stitch up your vagina, mate.’
Another thing you’ll learn if you become a birthing partner? ‘Your cervix stretches to the size of like half a ruler! And when you push the head out, the baby just stays there surrounded by vagina until he rotates his shoulders. At that point I decided not to watch the rest because I felt a bit sick.’
You’ll never look at your friend in the same way again
Watching your mate give birth is one of those events that’s going to change the nature of your friendship forever, but just how much so?
‘Sometimes we’ll be having a coffee or something and I’ll suddenly have graphic flashbacks. You don’t want to be looking at your friend and seeing her fanny, really.’
Fear not though, folks! Sarah reassures us that it’s not all bad. ‘We’re definitely a lot closer now and she made me godmother, which I was really happy about!’
You probably won’t want kids for a good while afterwards
Nothing will make you scream ‘wrap it before you tap it’ quite like watching someone pushing a human being out of them, apparently.
‘Before this, I often found myself thinking I would like a baby, but now I’ve promised myself that I’m going to wait,’ says Sarah. ‘You think the idea of giving birth and having a baby is easier than it actually is, but watching a friend go through that made me question what kind of life I could actually give it. My friend’s situation made me realise I would want to give it the best.’
And you’ll never want to do it again
‘My one piece of advice would be to not look. When the nurse asked me, I thought why not? It’ll be an experience! I now lie awake at night with images of my friend’s fanny running through my mind. When the baby comes out, the vagina doesn’t just suck back up! It’s all flappy and loose and there’s slime and gunge – just don’t look at that.’
Sarah also added that the other best thing to do is consider what you’d want your mate to do if the tables were turned.
‘If I had to do it for another friend I think it would put me off childbirth. It’s not like a ride at Disneyland where you think, oh yeah I can’t wait to do that again!’ she says.
So, basically, if you find yourself in the role of birthing partner, then be there for your bumped up buddy no matter what – but also prepare to be traumatised for life.
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Your Best Friend Is Pregnant: Here’s How Your Relationship Will Change
Follow Freddie on Twitter: @FreddiePalmer92
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.