Becoming A New Mum In Lockdown, From Zoom NCT Classes To Midwives In PPE

Natalie Bond 34, had a dream pregnancy. No morning sickness, regular yoga sessions, able to work right up to the end. And then lockdown happened.

‘My waters broke at home and I went into hospital alone,’ she says. The labour happened fast, it was over in four hours. My husband almost didn’t make it because hospitals are so strict about allowing anyone in. He couldn’t stay overnight, which felt scary. I was determined to get home as quickly as I could.’

Natalie had her baby, a healthy boy named Lucas, three weeks into lockdown. And if her birthing experience was strange, then her maternity leave certainly isn’t shaping up to be what she was expecting. Like Natalie, Carrie Symonds has just welcomed a baby boy and, while life as a first-time mum in Downing Street was always going to be unusual (not least because Carrie is the first first-time mum at Number 10 in living memory), there will be much she’ll have in common with other new parents at this time.

For a start, she may have little support. ‘I don’t think anyone can mentally prepare for having a baby in the first place, let alone when there’s a pandemic,’ says nutritionist and author Rhiannon Lambert (rhitrition.com), who has a two-week-old son. ‘My husband has just gone back to work and I’m here, at home, alone. I can’t have anyone come over to help me. That’s tough.’

Grandparents unable to cuddle their new grandchildren is also hard. ‘None of my family has seen the baby yet,’ says Natalie. ‘Thankfully, my parents already have grandchildren but it’s my in-laws’ first grandchild, so this is upsetting for them.’

And then there are the new friends you were hoping to make at NCT, or at baby groups, baby yoga, baby massage, who, as many new parents know, are often a lifeline – especially to first-time mums who feel their old identity has been stripped away. NCT is currently conducting antenatal classes via Zoom – nearly 2,000 parents have done it so far – but what happens when you want to meet up once you’ve had the babies, at a time when even visiting the local park is so fraught with regulations?

‘I haven’t seen any of the other newborns in my group,’ says Natalie. ‘We’re supposed to be having a reunion on 20 May – I can’t imagine that happening now. I was looking forward to making new friends on maternity leave. Now I’m pretty much on my own.’

Flora, 37, who gave birth to daughter Romy two weeks into lockdown, agrees. ‘Since our little one arrived, our sole focus has been her,’ she says. ‘But it’s not the maternity leave I pictured. The baby classes and NCT get-togethers have all been cancelled, so it’s difficult not having anything to look forward to.’

Once-routine medical appointments have also changed, with some mums getting postpartum checks by midwives in the full PPE. Others, including Natalie, are being discharged over the phone without meeting a medical professional in person. ‘I was finding breastfeeding hard,’ she says, ‘and since there are no classes to go to, I ended up with mastitis. Luckily, my sister’s a GP so I FaceTimed her with pictures of my nipples. But not everyone is so fortunate.’

Yet there are some positives. For a start, you won’t be hosting endless well-wishers. ‘Even though it would be nice to see someone, I guess we’re not bombarded with people visiting,’ says Rhiannon. She adds that she’s aware the biggest high itself is that ‘I’ve got a gorgeous baby I can’t stop staring at. I feel very, very lucky.’

Enforced quarantine also means more time to bond as a family unit. ‘Me and my partner are closer than ever,’ says Flora, ‘And we’ve bonded with our baby more quickly.’

Psychotherapist and author of Mind Over Mother Anna Mathur believes first-time mums should try to make the most of these strange circumstances. ‘It’s OK to grieve that you’re not having the postnatal experience you thought you’d have,’ she says, ‘and you shouldn’t feel guilty about this – many women will have waited a long time to have a baby. Concentrate on the positives. Generations ago, mums would go on bedrest and take time to bond with their baby. Right now life is simple. The baby doesn’t care if they’re not out in the park or a café; all it wants is to feel safe, warm and loved.’

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