In today's No Shit Sherlock news, a study has found that our emotions are affected by what other people share on Facebook. It's called emotional contagion and it means, if someone shares something sad, we feel sad, and if someone shares something happy, we feel, erm, happy. I'll just pause for a moment to let that fully sink in and feel free to have a sit down if it's shocked you too much.
Despite it being totally obvious, there's definitely something in unfollowing that person whose timeline makes you subconsciously feel like crap whenever your eyes skim down your newsfeed. Anyone who has suffered a bad breakup, then had to delete a perfectly nice mate who won't stop posting pics of her and Dan in the Cotswolds will know about emotional contagion all too well.
So why not do a quick review of those statuses that keep making your teeth clench and your eyes roll, and get rid? We're not talking about defriending here (unless they're a real pain in the arse), just a simple unfollow so you can hide their updates and only check in with what they're doing when YOU want to. Not every time you log on.
For example:
The pessimistic oversharer
Typical status: I woke up today and the boiler is broken and the trains were delayed so I got yelled at by my boss and I just want a hug but I can't stop crying it's not my day :(
Why you should unfollow them: Life is complicated and boring and hard enough without inviting in everyone else's complicated, boring shit into it as well. Of course when you're chatting to your best mate down the pub and she's having a difficult time, that's one thing. But on the way to an important meeting when the sun is shining and you're feeling kickass isn't the time to hear about the dull, upsetting minutae of someone's boiler/day.
The needlessly angry badly spelled oversharer
Typical status: Sumtimes I'm gona be a dick n ur gonna have 2 deal wit it OK? I'm nt dealin wit ur crap anymore bitch uno hu ur
Why you should unfollow them: re-read the above status. If you're still not sure, re-read it again.
The ideal human oversharer
Typical status: Just another day at the office! [picture of a beach]/What a cutie [picture of her with her hot cool boyfriend doing something really hot and cool]
Why you should unfollow them: Look, it's not like they're a bad person or anything. It's just, they're always having so much fun. And they bake things and cook huge dinners. And they're working at your dream company. And their boyfriend is hot and it just looks like they've got this great, really easy relayshe yknow? Yes, I know. And I also know that everytime they pop up on your newsfeed you don't feel inspired to be a better person. You get guilty-jealous and bitch about them to your mate and then hate yourself for being such an Iago.* So do yourself a favour, and hide them away. For your own sanity.
*Yeah it's a Shakespeare reference in a piece about Facebook statuses. Deal with it.
The injustice warrior oversharer
Typical status: THE WORLD IS ABOUT TO END LOOK AT THIS TERRIFYING IMAGE. WHY AREN'T YOU DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT YOU HEARTLESS SUBHUMAN
Why you should unfollow them: This is a tough one because obviously you need to know what's going on in the world but being guilt-tripped into reading a truly harrowing story when all you wanted was to message your mate and see if she was still coming over for pancakes tonight, is difficult. It's going to bring you down. Keep up to date with uber-depressing world events via news websites so you can at least prepare for the crushing feeling that 'everythings gone to shit', and keep Facebook for socialising.
The quiz/game oversharer
Typical status: Helen just got to level 4 of Guess Whether This Is A Shoe Or Not A Shoe
Why you should unfollow them: Because subconsciously you're going to be angry every time you read about something so trivial and totally irrelevant to your life and interests. Even if you're a big fan of Guess Whether This Is A Shoe Or Not A Shoe, their results mean nothing to you. It's taking up valuable space which could be filled by a video of a dog on a slide.
... And two people you should never unfollow:
**That girl who bullied you at school and is now a total mess **
Typical status: Great friday nite [picture of her alone in a Wetherspoons looking haunted]
Why you should never unfollow them: Look, it might be mean but she made you feel like crap for years and once broke your gel pen. The only upside of this experience is the intense joy you get from knowing you made it, and she didn't. Embrace the schadenfreude. Love the schadenfreude. Google 'schadenfreude'.
**The mate who posts OTT inspirational bullshit **
Typical status: It'll all be okay in the end, and if it's not okay then dance like nobody's watching and sing like you've never been okay in any ends. Or something.
Why you should never unfollow them: Because it'll be 4am, you'll have had your heart broken and be scrolling through your newsfeed desparately trying to avoid clicking on your ex's profile when suddenly you'll see "8 reasons you should let go and move on" as shared by your mate who posts OTT inspirational bullshit. And it won't feel like bullshit. And you might get overcome with the timeliness of it all and message her/him something like "thanks that link you posted really helped me" before feeling like an emotional moron for the next five years. But it's worth it. Nobody ever got hurt by a little uplifting bullshit, OK?
Follow Stevie on Twitter : @5tevieM
Picture**:** Rory DCS
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.