Families are annoying, aren’t they? They say better the devil you know but sometimes you just know that devil too damn well. From the way they click their tongue to the way the mispronounce a particular word or always remind you about something you did when you were thirteen as though it’s somehow defines you now you’re in your twenties, families really know how to get on your nerves. As children we often find ourselves being particularly impatient, particularly with our parents, when we might have a longer fuse for someone we’re not related to.
But in recent weeks. something far less personal and far more serious has been driving a wedge between members of families across the country: the EU referendum.
Traditional thinking is that we get our politics from our families, that your parents pass down their values and bring you up with a particular world view. The issue of whether or not Britain should stay in the European Union, however, defies this received wisdom. It is dividing political parties and it is splitting families. Judy, of Richard and Judy, wrote that Richard ‘leans towards the outies’ while she ‘drifts towards the innies. Even Boris Johnson, poster boy for those who fantasise about Brexit, is at odds with his father, brothers and sister who are all ‘inners’.
Where the differences are most pronounced are between different generations. Arguments about whether Britain should stay in or leave the European Union on Thursday have not only cut across traditional left/right party lines but revealed a huge gap in terms of how different generations see things.
Poll after poll shows that people aged 18-34 are much more likely to say that they will vote to remain in the European Union than those who are older than them. When it comes to Brexit there is a huge generation divide. Despite the fact that younger generations have become increasingly turned off by traditional politics – the percentage of 18 to 24 year olds voting in general elections has fallen from over 60% in the early 1990s to an average of just 40% in the last four general elections – we are interested in more issue-based politics, whether that’s campaigns about housing or the refugee crisis.
The referendum campaign has been nasty,taking a particularly distressing turn last week, and it’s been personal. In recent weeks, as the EU Referendum campaigns have reached fever pitch. I have argued with friends and family about it. I have observed people be incredibly rude to and damning about one another on social media because of their stance on Britain’s EU membership. I have received abuse on Twitter for being in favour of remaining in the EU - I have been called 'stupid' multiple times by people I have never met.
I’m voting remain. While I do not believe that the EU is perfect by any means, on balance I have decided that this is the right decision. That said, there are several people I respect who have made convincing arguments for Britain to leave the EU and I don’t feel any animosity towards them whatsoever. When it comes to family, however it doesn’t seem so easy to separate the individual from their politics.
On Sunday my own grandparents, long-retired with no experience of renting property in recent years, called me ‘stupid’ and told me they didn’t agree with me when I said I felt it was too simplistic to blame the housing crisis on immigration. We had this conversation whilst sitting in their 4-bedroom house in South London in which the majority of rooms sit idle, unused. My mother told me over dinner that she was considering voting out, when I asked her which EU directives she took particular issue with she couldn’t name a single one and told me this ‘wasn’t the point.’
This sort of conversation, even in families like my own who don’t usually ‘do politics’, has become normal in recent weeks. On one side there are touching reports of parents and grandparents asking their children and grandchildren how they’d like them to vote because ‘it’s their future’. On the other family WhatsApp groups and catch up dinners have become potential minefields, rife with anger and frustration.
Emma**, 25, speaks to me while she’s in the middle of an argument on her family WhatsApp group which includes her brothers and mum. They’re all voting in but their mum is voting out, ‘we don’t normally talk about politics on WhatsApp’ she says. ‘The other week I was going home for the weekend and I had an argument with my mum about Europe on the Thursday, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go home. When I was there we had another argument at Sunday lunch because my dad brought it up.’
When Emma asked her mum why she was voting out she said it was because ‘we are being told what to do by the EU and immigration.’ How does she feel about the way her mum is voting? ‘I think its quite selfish that she’s voting this way because its not about her. She’s retiring! I don’t know that much about it myself but it feels selfish. We will have to deal with this decision for much longer than her, especially in the working world.’
Lily, 28, hasn’t been arguing with her dad but he’s voting for Brexit and she wants Britain to stay in the EU. ‘I think scepticism matures with age and he is from a working class background so all this nostalgic class bollocks comes into play’ she tells me, ‘I’m pretty sure he doesn’t even believe what he’s saying…it’s more of an auto pilot response.’ Lily’s dad is from England but currently lives in Italy, despite this she says ‘he thinks ‘that these euro “toffs” think they are better than us and has a genuine disdain for Europe (hilarious, he lives there!) as a nation. He lives in Italy but enjoys a level of superior disassociation from European politics which I think he inherited from his own parents growing up in the shadow of the age of the empire.’
She’s not angry with him though, ‘to give him a break our generation doesn't know what it's like to have grown up so massively in the aftermath of a war. I think wars make people more protective of nations and we don't have the same sense of nation as a generation because we never witnessed anyone fight to protect our sovereignty so directly. He is also scared of immigrants and keeps telling me England is a Christian country even though he doesn't believe in God.’ She’s not sure whether he will actually vote leave when push comes to shove, but hopes he won’t.
For Ella, 22, things aren’t quite so civil. ‘My parents have developed these ingrained, almost racist, thought of how the world works’ she tells me. ‘They won’t even entertain the idea that there might be an alternative. I think they’re voting out because they’re angry, they want change, they want something radical to happen.’
What are they angry about I ask? ‘It’s this concept of immigrants on the whole – they feel like they’re really coming here, taking all of our money and benefits. No matter how much I explain they don’t understand that a lot of immigrants helps us and contribute to the economy. I explain that refugees are fleeing war, they don’t take that into consideration either.’
‘I was surprised by how they are voting’, Ella tells me, ‘my parents are quite young. My mum is 40 and my dad is 45. I genuinely feel lucky that I don’t have the same views as them.’ Why does she think her views differ so much to theirs? ‘Maybe it’s because I’ve travelled more than them, freely across the EU I mean.’
Things aren’t good between Ella and her parents at the moment, ‘it’s got to the point where I keep thinking ‘do I fall out with my family over this because I think what they’re saying is so wrong? When we do talk about it it’s really hostile, it’s not what I’d call an educated debate and it just escalates so quickly. I don’t even bring it up with my grandparents but with my parents I really feel like they should know better.’
Hannah, 22, is also at odds with her family. ‘I’m from quite a rural small town in the midlands and it’s mainly my dad who I’m disagreeing with. I’ve banned all talk of the EU referendum with my grandparents.’
Has she asked her dad why he’s voting out? ‘He’s relating it to all this “crazy bureaucracy” which doesn’t really affect him. For instance, he told me there was a directive where there was a plan to make kettles and toasters a lower voltage than they currently are…he was angry about this. He has this traditional stance that the EU is nothing but red tape.’ And, what does she think? ‘He’s from a pretty working class background, my mum is as well - but they got married in a boom period and were able to do well for themselves. I think that’s influenced this.’
‘I’ve got two sisters’ Hannah says, ‘one is actually a human rights lawyers who lives in Europe. So from our point of view it’s really bizarre because he’s prepared to affect his own daughter’s life in this way. It’s so odd.’ How does she feel about the rift Europe has opened up in her family? ‘It’s quite upsetting to be honest. I was at home last weekend and we were just trying not to talk about it. I’m not sure that’s right either, though, that there should be something so important that’s so off limits. Having such a divide in the family is weird and, obviously, growing up with your parents, they instill values in you so I don’t really understand how this happened.’
However, you slice this one it’s fair to say that euroscepticism has become a more prominent point of view in recent years. Nigel Farage may not actually have been able to get himself elected in his own constituency at the last general election but there’s no denying that there has been a general anti-Europe and anti-immigration feeling bubbling up for some time in this country. It has been fed by politicians like Farage and, in turn, fueled their careers. On the whole, it’s also fair to say that it’s the older generations who have been attracted by Eurosceptic politics and UKIP ideologies.
On Europe the under 35s (aka Generation Y, aka millennial, aka me, aka probably you) differ significantly from their parents and grandparents. Depending on which poll you’re looking around 60 per cent or more of millennials say they want to remain. The figure for the pre war generation and baby boomers is around half that.
A quick look at Ipsos Mori’s comprehensive Generations projectwhich compared the attitudes of younger generations to their elders confirms this. Their polling demonstrates that we ‘yoof’ are significantly less in favour of leaving the European Union than our generational forbears are now, or were at our age. Indeed, we are less in favour of reducing the EU’s powers than our parents and grandparents’ generations. Young people are also, on the whole, in favour of maintaining the status quo when it comes to the EU.
There’s also a generational gap when it comes to immigration, which has undoubtedly been the emotional touch point of the entire referendum debate. Older people are twice as likely as the under 35s to be worried about immigration. We’re also more likely than any other generation to think people should be allowed to wear traditional dress to school if they want to.
How did this happen? Why are young people so overwhelmingly more pro Europe than our parents and grandparents? Bobby Duffy, the Managing Director of Ipsos Mori, explains ‘this is mirrored across a number of different statistics. Trust among younger generations in all sorts of institutions is higher than among older groups – whether that’s the government or the police. You might find that surprising, young people are not rejecting institutions. They may, however, question their relevance to them because they’re more used to things being flexible and tailored to their own needs.’
Young people’s positive attitude to the EU ‘is basically shorthand for being open and international in outlook’ Bobby says. ‘The caveat on this’ he says ‘is that it’s not the case for all young people, of course some are concerned about immigration, but it’s at a much lower rate than among older generations.’
There’s an irony here, as Bobby points out. ‘Labour market issues are often given as a reason for complaining about immigration and yet young people are far less likely to be worried about it than older people who are coming to the end of their working lives or, indeed, already out of the labour market. Young people are twice as likely to think that immigration is good for the economy.’
And, to those who say that young people’s pro Europe attitude is a folly of youth Bobby points out that we are more pro Europe than our parents and grandparents were at our age based on Ipsos Mori’s comparisons. ‘This looks generational’ he says ‘it’s not just a feature of youth. Young people started with a higher level of trust but have maintained that as they’ve aged.’
There’s no doubt that younger people are more likely to vote remain today, if they vote. And therein lies the rub. Despite the fact that young people, my generation, could determine the outcome of this referendum we are less likely to vote than any other age group. Bobby explains that there is effectively a ‘democratic deficit’ because of this. ‘The under 35s, often called Generation Y or millennials’ he tells me ‘are actually now a very large generation – there are 14.1 million of you, much bigger than the 10.7 million who are aged 65 or over. But your age group are much less likely to be registered to vote.’
The voting power of older generations is quite something. According to Bobby while millennials make up 29% of the adult population in this country we only make up 22% of the vote. ‘It’s an exact mirror’ he says, ‘the over 65s make up 22% of the population but 29% of the vote. That’s why we have a democratic deficit.’
How many of us will turn out to vote today remains to be seen. What’s certain is that, whatever the outcome, we’ll have to live with it for longer. So make sure you vote, it’s more important than ever. And if your parents and grandparents are undecided on which way to vote, then let them know why their vote is as important for your future as it is for theirs.
The In campaign are worried that young people won’t vote today. They really should be.
You might also be interested in:
Roamin, Travellin, Learnin: Are Young People Really Better Off In The EU?
We Asked Young Europeans Living In The UK What They Think About Brexit
Follow Vicky on Twitter @Victoria_Spratt
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.