Hotels and restaurants are apparently now being held to ransom by TripAdvisor reviewers, who threaten to give them a bad review unless they get freebies. This is according to the British Hospitality Association, who say we’ve become adept at blackmailing our way to getting better service, free meals and upgrades.
‘People threatening bad reviews to extort free things is a problem which has been growing,’ a spokesperson told The Telegraph. ‘We would advise that business owners do not respond.’
Obviously, actively blackmailing a small business for a free round of drinks or a meal isn’t cool, but there are plenty of ways you can work the system in your favour, blag some freebies and sock it to the man all in one fail swoop, without anyone bandying around words like ‘blackmail’ ‘theft’ and ‘damned impudence’. Don’t hate the player, hate the game…
**Wetherspoons **
The first port of call for any blagger – it’s always (inexplicably) crowded, which means no one will notice if you fill your boots/bag with the vast array of condiments on display. Also, if you go along before lunchtime, the toilets will be fully stocked with loo roll – go mental. We also have it on good authority that if you notice a hair (for example) on your egg (for example) on the full English breakfast (again, just hypothetical) and eat everything else except the egg before you go to complain, they will reward you with a second, hair-free breakfast. So that’s useful.
The ‘I’m Not Angry, I’m Just Disappointed’ Tweet
Had some bad service? Want to capitalise on it? Use Twitter. Don’t bother sending an angry complaining Tweet or even tagging anyone in. Social media teams for big brands will be keeping an eye on any mentions of their name, so just do a mournful 140-character spiel about how the rubbish meal you just had at Harvester (for example) has totally ruined your nan’s 85th birthday and how sad you are about it. You can even add an actual sad face for added emphasis (an emoticon will do, but an actual picture of your nan looking sad will really do it. Maybe keep one to hand for such occasions).
If there’s one thing they will want to see less than an angry customer, it’s a crying one. And then boom, you’ve got a free salad bar at your next visit.
**Learn to utilise the breakfast buffet **
Only a total chump would book a hotel room without a breakfast buffet included in the price. The breakfast buffet is such a rich resource that if you’re careful enough, you can get as much from this as you would an all-inclusive deal. Continental breakfasts are the best, obviously. Fruit for breakfast, bread, cheese and cold meats for lunch and… more bread, cheese and cold meats for dinner, supplemented with those weird tomat0-ketchup-flavoured crisps you only get in European supermarkets, and you’re sorted. Which means you can blow your £20-a-day budget on house spirits and that bottle of home-brewed Ouzo the waiter offered to sell you for a fiver.
**Book your room strategically **
Don’t pay premium for a hotel. That’s what idiots and people with final-salary pensions do. Instead, book yourself into the cheap as chips hostel next door, and pay to spend the day at the pool of said posh hotel instead. No one on your Instagram will know you’re not an actual guest and, yes, you’ll be paying through the nose for food and drink, but all you want to consume when you’re lying in the sun is a bowl of chips and a pint of coke, so it’s pointless being somewhere where you can actually afford the food.
**The great mini-bar scam of 1997 **
The mini-bar trick (staying at a hotel for one night, drinking the mini bar dry and then denying all knowledge when you go to check out in the morning) was a stalwart of travelling businessmen in the '90s.
Nowadays it's a bit trickier as plenty of places have cottoned on and put those clever floor sensors in mini bars to stop you rummaging around in there. Still, this does cross the line from blagging into the murky world of theft. So, in the interests of socking it to the man, maybe only do this in hotels with five or more branches. Also, it’s a high-risk strategy – if the hotel have your card details, they can just charge you for those teeny tiny £15 bottles of gin after the event. It's a potentially a high-reward strategy, but there's always the risk that you'll just end up spending £5 on a packet of cashew nuts you never really wanted anyway.
Follow Rebecca on Twitter @rebecca_hol
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.