When you think about it, along with sunsets and stickmen, dicks are one of the most accessible things we can draw.
Every one, from your auntie to your postman, at some stage in their life, has grabbed a pencil or pen and scratched out a ‘cock and balls’ with flecks for the pubic hair and a typically disproportionate sized scrotum.
Such dicks may be democratic but truly aesthetic? Probably not.
Even if the classic ‘cock and balls’ arguably has some artistic merit, by and large it’s a sophomoric scribble preserved for the inlay of teenage boy’s jotters and the walls of white tiled public loos; seldom does such a doodle provoke a stroke of the chin and an obsequious, “Tremendous use of negative space, Geoffrey.”
And yet, there is something about the dick that just lends itself to the artist’s brush. A sentence, I assure you, that I won’t be rolling out at the annual family holiday.
Earlier this month I stumbled upon the Instagram feed thatlookslikeadick– a collection of photographs of shadows, hair dos, sweat patches, bruises, any thing you can think of that looks like a dick – and with over 328k followers it proves what we already know: pictures of dicks are popular.
Punch ‘dick art’ into Google – being sure not to misplace the ‘I’ with a ‘U’ and finding yourself baffled by artisanal ducks, as I did – and you’ll find a plethora of penises. Sure, there was the obligatory ‘man shoves cock in thawed chicken carcass’ but that’s par for the course with the Internet these days, right? Alongside such ergonomically impressive feats was the usual porny stuff including this rather intriguing piece of homoerotic tentacle hentai seemingly starring a jacked Prince Harry.
But spend a Sunday Googling ‘dick’ and you’ll be surprised by the amount of art that’s out there. The simple and effectively named – and now defunct – Dick Art tumblr houses all manner of crazy visuals from a man playing a xylophone with his todger to a chocolate tea pot with a cock fused on the side. Video art and ceramics, covered in one fell swoop.
And illustration too with the bizarre daily_dong_doodles Instagram featuring a pencil-drawn dick in numerous human scenarios from butchering a pig to presenting a weather report.
The phallus is a highly adaptable shape lending itself to necklaces, woolly hats, USA merchand even bongs. But, in fear of sounding like a super horny Brian Sewell, it’s when the penis is the subject itself that the internet art form really takes off or, in layman’s terms, when someone dresses up a dick it’s curiously fascinating.
Things My Dick Does is a web comic starring a penis known as The Little Dude and his many adventures. Whether LD is spending Valentine’s Day eating chocolates on the beach or getting ready for trick-or-treatinghe is liberally personified, with each photograph annotated with a smiley (or confused or freaked out face when appropriate) and little stick arms. Funny for sure, but it’s also damn popular – and topical. When David Bowie died, the anonymous San Franciscan behind LD paid tribute in typical fashion. It’s no surprise he sells merchandise such as mugs and t-shirts. Adult star Joanna Angel is a fan.
If my penis was… and Stuff on my cock are two more tumblrs dedicated to the ‘penis as a prop’ trope, and earlier this year LELO released a tuxedo for the penis – so what’s behind the current trend for dressing up dick?
The Dicture Gallery is a collection of dicks dressed up like famous celebrities with accompanying penile puns. We’re talking Dong Dapper and Napoleon Boner Parte. Photographer and Dicture Gallery creator Soraya Doolbaz says she was inspired to set up the online gallery after receiving her “fair share” of dick pics. Citing the Statue of David, Doolbaz says that dick has always been ripe for artistic expression but we’re seeing so much more now because “gender and sexuality aren’t in separate corners anymore” and “as religion is dissipating the penis is re-emerging” and we’re seeing it in a more humorous way.
She’s right. There’s a reason sex shops sell penis lollipops and inflatable dicks. They’re funny looking things. But there’s always been a line between joke cocks and real cocks and now that line is blurred; partly because the tidal wave of dick pics swamping the Internet is exposing cocks in places where sex doesn’t belong and partly because people like Doolbaz are taking the image of the cock and repackaging it as something asexual and devoid of a potent virility we see all too often in male-gazey content.
Just like the doodles, dressing up a dick democratises it. Sure, there’s no denying that the cock has always been rife for ridicule but for the first time in a long time, the penis itself, rather than someone’s penis we don’t like, is fair game and we’re finally seeing them ridiculed and laughed at on a mass scale in the same way that boobs and bottoms have been for years. And in turn, this blunts the dick as symbol of maleness, making it less threatening and something to poke fun at without size criteria or shame.
Dressing up a cock makes it more, well, human. I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but more dick art please.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.