As a lonesome child that was only truly happy when reading or making potions, I've always felt I needed space away from other people. Sure, I hung out with pals and went to parties as I got older. But after a little while, I always felt a physical longing to be alone.
Now, as someone that vaguely resembles an adult, I'm potentially even worse. The friends I've known for years are perfect human specimens, and I love being around them. But spending time with anyone other than those I feel totally myself and comfortable with, can be utterly mentally exhausting.
If I do go on a night out (rare these days), I'll need the next two nights at home alone to recuperate. This need to recharge my social batteries means I end up bailing on plans a hell of a lot. I am a serial bailer.
Whenever I sense an overload coming on, I'll contact whoever I'm meant to be seeing and tell them honestly that I just can't face socialising. While the glorious babes dearest to me are totally groovy about it (as many feel exactly the same), it's the acquaintances that rarely understand. I've been moaned at, on many occasions, for being 'unsociable'. Others have berated me, saying I can't be a journalist and not enjoy talking to people.
It's always upset me that they refuse to listen. My bailing isn't simply a case of not being arsed to see them, it's a necessity, for my own mental wellbeing.
When I came across a recent study, which researched the effects of too much socialising on introverts, I finally had some science to back up what I'd been banging on about for years. The paper, published by clinical psychologists at Uppsala University in Sweden, explained why sensitive types just cannot be around people 24/7.
Those who consider themselves to be introverts, already have butt loads of neuronal activity kicking about in their reticular activating system. Introverts, unlike extroverts, are super sensitive to other external stimuli. The result is that introverts become overstimulated and therefore need to withdraw once in a while. For many of us, the only thing that can claw us back from this overstimulation is solitude. These withdrawals have been coined 'introvert hangovers'. It's nice to finally put a face to a name.
I'm lucky that most of my close friends are accepting of this, and don't take it personally when I bail on our plans. But I wish those who make you feel crappy for taking a rain check would come to understand how vital that time alone is for an introvert's mental wellbeing. We're already feeling completely, socially burnt out. Don't make us feel like rubbish pals, too.
Lizzie, 25, feels the same: 'I cancel so many of my plans because I get really panicky and stressed about them. Sometimes, the idea of being around people is too much.' As someone who finds it hard to say no to plans, Lizzie says she'll often agree to a social event she doesn't want to go to, or physically can't get to. 'It makes me feel like such a rubbish friend,' she adds.
Kim, 22, says her overstimulating job contributes to her bailing. 'I'm really introverted as a person and am quite shy,' she says. 'As a celebrity journalist, my job is focused around talking to people. I find myself reluctant to hang out with friends after work, as I feel I'm all talked out and just want time alone to recover. Watching Netflix and eating cheese alone, I don't feel the pressure to be good company.'
Experts also agree that spending time alone has positive impacts on your mental wellbeing. David Brudö, CEO and co-founder of personal development app Remente, says solitude can have numerous benefits.
'Researchers at Harvard University found that anything that we do on our own, be it watching a film, studying or even attending a museum, is more likely to stay in our minds than if we did the same thing with others. We can’t rely on anyone else to remember what we're experiencing, so we are more likely to commit the experience to memory.'
Being alone is better for your relationships too. He explains, 'As counter-intuitive as this may sound, spending some time on your own might actually improve your relationships with others. Think of being alone as a form of therapy – solitude will give you time to focus on your interests and your own wellbeing, outside of anyone else. Afterwards, when you reunite with loved ones, you are more likely to enjoy the time that you spend together, complimenting each other, as opposed to being dependent on one another.'
And of course, studies have found introverts are more likely to suffer depression or anxiety. David believes alone time can relieve symptoms of anxiety. 'A big part of anxiety is being overwhelmed by too many thoughts, and if these thoughts are negative, the anxiety can become very detrimental.
Being around people all of the time can cause this anxiety to build, as you aren’t taking a break to filter through all of the thoughts going through your mind. Taking a time out from social activity can help you get your thoughts in order and deal with any negativity quickly and efficiently.'
By withdrawing from social situations, David claims introverts can boost their creativity and focus on their own happiness.
GP and medical director at Bluecrest Health Screening Nick Summerton, says it's a mistake to underestimate the impact of social situations. 'Different situations are stressful for different people - whether that's at work or on an evening out. We're all expected to “perform” in one way or another, to be on good form, to be confident, talkative and contributing our all. For some people that's natural and for other personality types it takes some work and feels like a challenge - leading to stress, even anxiety.'
While this might sound like a minor problem in the grand scheme of things, Nick says it's often what are perceived as 'small' issues that generate the most stress. 'Studies on the wellbeing of UK police officers have shown that the constant threat of violence and conflict isn't really a problem - what causes the real stress is paperwork and the IT not working. And stress is a negative cycle. Once you start to struggle with a particular type of situation you're more conscious of it and the stress ratchets up.'
He advises taking regular time outs from whatever raises your stress levels, rather than getting drawn into 'relentless schedules of work and fun, pushed and driven by smartphone contacts.'
Nick continues, 'A study by Harvard Medical School suggests that higher levels of activity in the amygdala part of the brain, processing emotions associated with stress, encourages the production of more white blood cells and inflammation of the arteries - leading to heart attacks, angina and strokes. The researchers concluded that long-term stress should be seen as being as significant a risk factor in diagnosing heart problems as smoking and high blood pressure.'
While my social hangovers are reasonably easy to cure, that's obviously not the case for those living with social anxiety disorder. 'This condition is far more serious,' Nick adds. 'It's usually linked with depression and anxiety, and the kind of mental health issues that need attention and treatment, like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) or a self-help therapy.'
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.