‘Slowly run your hands down your body,’ the voice in my ear commands. ‘Notice the sensations of your fingers on your skin.’ I do as I’m told, eyes closed, and register that the skin on my arm is covered in goose pimples and that my stomach is softer to touch than I’d realised. But rather than some Christian Grey wannabe, the voice in my ear is actually the soothing tones of my smartphone – specifically, Ferly, an app launched earlier this year.
Back in May, a survey published in The BMJ found that British men and women are having significantly less sex than they were in 2001; researchers pointed out that the iPhone arrived in 2007, and that bedtime browsing might be one of the culprits. Yet rather than banish our phone from the bedroom, a new breed of tech is encouraging women to use our phones to boost our libidos, release our inhibitions and, well, enjoy ourselves.
'We talked to over 500 women about their sex lives and the question that came up again and again was, “Am I normal?"'
Ferly, in particular, is a response to what the developers, Billie Quinlan and Anna Hushlak, saw as a gap in female health tech. We have apps to improve our fitness, change our diet and even tighten our pelvic floor – but where were the ones that could help us have a better time in bed? A series of guided meditations, erotic stories and daily practices, Ferly aims to bring ‘mindful sex’ to the masses.
‘We started the app initially for personal reasons,’ says Billie. ‘Both Anna and I had experienced sexual assault and had to navigate a negative attitude to our sexuality. We talked to over 500 women about their sex lives and the question that came up again and again was, “Am I normal?” When we talk about sexual health we talk about pregnancy and disease prevention, but never about pleasure. Ferly wanted to change that.
And it’s not the only app interested in your orgasms. From Dipsea, offering audio porn whispered into your ears, to Juicebox, which gives anonymous access to your very own (real, professional) sex therapist, the number of apps determined to improve our sex lives is on the rise.
Even more wellness-focused programmers are turning their attentions to the bedroom. Clementine, a hypnotherapy-based app that was designed to help women manage anxiety, recently created a series of audio sessions designed to help you reconnect to your body, and in doing so boost your sex life. Each session is a mix of guided body scans (where you pay attention to how you are feeling throughout your body) and positive affirmations, offering a healthy reality check on whether we’re too concerned with what society thinks of our bodies.
But founder Kim Palmer says the sessions have had a surprising side effect on her own relationship. ‘My partner’s and my sex life had declined after our second child,’ she says. ‘Having children can make your body feel like it’s just a tool to look after people – add in the tiredness and sex becomes less and less of a priority. But when I started using the body sessions on Clementine I found the pleasure in it again. When I listen to a session I feel much more motivated to actually have sex, which is a big win when you’re tired all the time.
The secret to apps such as Ferly and Clementine, according to sex therapist Kate Moyle, is that they focus our attention. ‘Women in particular are often impacted by internalising messages that society gives us about sex, and they aren’t always helpful,’ she says. ‘It’s difficult to fully let go and be yourself if you feel restricted by negative emotions such as shame. Distraction is one of the biggest roadblocks to sexual desire and arousal, so an app like this can help us to practise staying in the moment and diverting these roadblocks back on to the sensations that we are experiencing.
'When I listen to a session I feel much more motivated to actually have sex'
However, if you want a slightly more direct approach to your sex tech, that’s on offer too. Canadian company WeVibe wants to revolutionise long-distance relationships (and orgasms) with a stylish vibrator that connects to a smartphone app called WeConnect. Through the app, you can control the toy’s stimulation and intensity, set it to vibrate to music (if that’s your thing) or send an invite to your partner’s smartphone, which hands them control.
For Sarah*, the app has brought some playfulness into her relationship. ‘My other half travels a lot for work and while we’ve always been up for some sexting or watching each other masturbate over Skype, it can get a little samey,’ she explains, adding that it ‘brought some spontaneity back to our sex life. As long as he knows I’ve got the WeVibe in then it’s up to him what happens next and when. Sometimes I’ll know he’s at work when we’re playing, and that’s a big turn-on.
But is all this tech in the bedroom really a good idea, after all the warnings we hear about giving ourselves a break from being plugged-in (ahem)? According to Moyle, it all depends what we’re using it for. ‘While as a therapist I often prescribe tech-free time, we also need to be aware of the ways that it can be advantageous. The focus needs to be on the person or couple, rather than on the technology itself, so we use the tech as a crutch, aid or guide, rather than staring into our screens. Being audio-guided through something, for example, allows you the space to not have to think about what to do next – we just have to follow along. That can be helpful for focusing away from thoughts that may be inducing anxiety or pressure, which are so common when it comes to sex.
So while you may still want to cut down on the scrolling before bed, these apps might be enough to make you reconsider banning your phone from the bedroom entirely. Because it could just be the key to better sex – so long as you remember to put it down eventually...
*Names have been changed.