Today, the Government announced its budget, which is basically as doomy and agitating as the once-or-twice-monthly times you ever bother to look at your bank statement. The difference is, the budget concerns more money you can ever dream of, and all the assembled politicians - from a backbencher all the way through to David Cameron himself going ‘boo’ and 'waaagh' and waving pieces of paper at each other like children who can’t focus because they need a wee.
Here’s all the stuff that happened that you might give a crap about.
1. George Osborne promised money for first-time buyers
The Chancellor of the Exchequer said that the Government would introduce a ‘Help to Buy’ ISA for first-time buyers. It means that every £200 you put in, the government would give you £50. Which means if you manage to save £100 a month, you’ll actually have £1,500 after the first year. So that means in four years, you’ll get £6,000. Which might be enough for a deposit somewhere, if you wait, like, 40 years. Other problems? There’s a housing shortage and you can only receive the government’s money when you actually buy the house.
2. Osborne also announced a rise in minimum wages
The national minimum will now be £6.70, which is a rise of 20p per hour. Labour, meanwhile, promise to double this rise in a minimum wage.
3. You won't be charged much more for wine
At least not by the government...duty on beer will, meanwhile, be cut by 1p! 10 lad points for that.
4. Ed Miliband promised to cut tuition fees
In his retort, Miliband said this: ‘A Labour government will support the young and not make them pay the price for hard times’
‘We’ll ensure that every major government contract will guarantee apprenticeships, and we will cut tuition fees to £6000 to reduce the burden of debt on young people’
5. Nick Clegg did a face
Miliband ended this portion of the speech with ‘and let the deputy prime minister defend his broken promises on the doorstep,’ while jabbing his forefinger towards Nick Clegg. Nick Clegg’s response? This face – which was actually done in a sort of mocking way, let us tell you – and a murmured ‘calm down.’
6. Loads of the Labour party wore pink
Well, it is Wednesday, and on Wednesdays we wear pink, right? Or maybe it was to tie in with the whole pink bus thing.
7 . Loads of the Coalition frontbench looked like they were in detention
The sort of detention you get for breaking someone's arm against a locker in a room that smells of Lynx and mud.
Liked this? You might also be interested in:
Does It Matter If Ed Milliband Slash Tuition Fees? No, It Really Doesn't
David Cameron Didn't Reply To A Single Tweet He Received In Six Weeks. But Really, Do You Blame Him?
Follow Sophie on @sophwilkinson
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.