There are so many ‘my mate got so drunk he was sick on a girl’s shoes’ booze stories, but the story of Essex lad, Alex Caviel who ended up in Barcelona after a night out in Chelmsford kind of takes the cake, for obvious reasons.
'We had been to pretty much every bar in Chelmsford in between, and we managed to pull a couple of girls.' Alex said. 'We were going between Missoula, CTZN and Bar & Beyond, but at about half three my friend disappeared, and I remember just thinking to myself "it would be nice to fly away somewhere". I had a really vivid dream that I was on a plane; it was very, very realistic, but I didn't think much of it and just went back to sleep. When I woke up, we were just landing in Barcelona.'
We asked our friends if they could top that story. And they delivered.
1. This guy who re-united a family when drunk
‘My friend got incredibly drunk, left the room and returned 90 minutes later with the current address of our mutual friend’s absent father of 22 years. He had, while drunk, paid for access to the electoral role, found his address, looked him up and printed a picture of his house and vegetable allotment on Streetview. Apparently, everyone thought he’d gone to bed, but he came back and said, “I found your dad. There he is.”’
2. These guys, who purchased inexplicable things when drunk
‘My mate once drunk-ordered an inflatable sheep which came with a free pair of plastic handcuffs.’
‘My friend got drunk and bought a £900 spoon that belonged to Uri Geller and was signed by Michael Jackson. It was given to him as a present. She is not the sort of person who can afford a £900 spoon.’
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This girl, who was a victim of woodland animal crime when drunk**
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‘I got out of the cab, drunk, with my mate. We saw this fox and were taken in by the magic of nature, so we laid down on some grass and tried to coax it over, by making what one would assume to be ‘come here, fox’ noises. In one swift movement, the fox ran towards me and grabbed my purse, containing my Oyster and work cards, £50 and my house keys, which was on the ground next to me. It then ran off into the undergrowth. I got fully mugged by a fox.’
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This guy, who went way further than Barcelona when drunk**
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‘A guy I used to work with was seeing a girl who went to Thailand. He went out in London, got drunk, woke up on Friday morning and came to work hungover and tearfully clutching an email confirmation for a British airways flight to Bangkok that evening ‘for a weekend city break’. He went for less than 24 hours.’
5. This girl, who learned the hard way she shouldn't be an electrician when drunk
‘I drank three bottles of Rose, and woke up on my back, projectile vomiting into my mouth, nose and eyes. Then I vomited on my extension cable and tripped the electricity in the whole building.’
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This guy, who ruined Christmas when drunk**
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‘My mate (big lad) went out and got steaming on Christmas Eve. He broke his way back into his mum and dad’s house at 4am, took off all of his clothes and started watching Babestation in the lounge. His parents came down to find out what all the noise was and, like a startled and angry bear, he picked up the Christmas tree (ripping the lights out from the wall) and used it as a joust, pushing them all the way back into their room as they were pleading with him to calm down and just go to bed. He didn’t leave his room on Christmas Day.’
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This girl, who bloody loves the pope when drunk**
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‘On my gap yah back in 2005, I got hammered on gin before spending three hours chatting in Welsh (I don’t speak any Welsh) to French nuns (we were staying in a west African, convent-run hostel) interjecting with the occasional “I’m sorry that the pope is dead” in French (the pope had just died). The next day, we were kicked out of the hostel for the above – and for blocking the hostel’s shower with spaghetti vomit (we had eaten spaghetti).’
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This guy who OH MY GOSH WHAT THE HELL**
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‘My friend was camping and met a man who owned panpipes, a poncho and took this iguana everywhere with him. He also insisted on camping in the wettest, windiest, most godforsaken place and lost all their food, so they got really drunk and then ate his iguana. My friend ate my other friend’s iguana. They cooked it on a fire.’
Well done everyone, you’ve really lived life to the max.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.