More than 270 tents have been pitched in Tianjin University's gym in China for knackered freshers' parents who've spent the day lugging suitcases up and down stairs. Which made us think that considering how straightforward dropping someone off at uni is, how much weird stuff can happen in the space of a few hours? Turns out, loads. Even if your parents don't decide to camp downstairs.
**Your parents will fight **
Maybe it's the combination of long hours, muscle strain, and the emotion of seeing their little princess all grown up, but nothing brings out latent tension like moving you into a dorm. Even the most placid parents become uptight madpeople, and if they don't get on at the best of times then it might be worth wearing some form of protective headgear. 'My parents were arguing about a colander,' remembers one Debrief reader Rebecca. 'My dad was saying 'Why are you giving her that colander? That was a wedding present! I can't believe you didn't get a new colander!' And mum was saying 'It's a shit colander from the 70s'.' They also came up a day later because her dad refused to take a day off work - so this all occured in the evening while her new mates were getting ready to go out. Cool.
Something awful will fall out of your bag
Whether it's greying underwear, Enid Blyton novels or a wizards hat, you've packed some weird shit, and that weird shit is going to fall down the stairs the moment you arrive at university. 'I made the crucial error of packing in a rush, left a bag half open, and had an entire pack of tampons fall out of said bag as a lovely (male) Freshers' Rep was taking it up the stairs for me,' says Sarah. 'I nervously laughed and said, 'Well, that's embarrassing', to which he replied ''Super' embarrassing'. I'm sure you get my drift. Made to go unnoticed, my arse...' Probably double check all your wares are fully zipped before you start dragging them up and down steps.
Something awful will remain in your bag but still be awful
There are things in your suitcase you don't want your parents to know about. Things that might start buzzing, for example. 'My vibrator started vibrating in a box, so I told mum and dad it was an electric toothbrush,' says Georgie. 'They said 'But you don't have an electric toothbrush' and I was like 'I BOUGHT ONE''. It's not clear whether her parents were convinced by this lie, but we're guessing not.
Your parents will call you an embarrassing nickname
You know that nickname they use for you, that seems fine in the comfort of your own home but becomes mortifying when you're trying to, like, curate a confident personality? 'My dad loudly called me 'Mr. Huggles' down the corridor while wearing very red, almost pink trousers,' says Hugo. 'I was desperately trying to look cool.'
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Your parents will say embarrassing things that aren't nicknames
I mean, there's an infinite number of awkward things you folks could bring up. My dad, for example, loudly declaring he hoped I 'didn't turn into a posh twat' (alright, that was during an open day but we were surrounded by members of staff), or Katie's mum who kept shouting that she should 'buy a compass to help me get around campus'. They might also just cramp your style by existing - one guy with bryl-cream hair and a mega posh voice was mortified when his parents dropped him off wearing shellsuits.
**You'll make an entrance. But not in a good way. **
We all dream of pulling up to the doors, shades on, maybe a menthol cigarette dangling out of our red lipsticked mouths (if that's what you're into), and gliding to the halls in a way that makes other freshers turn to each other and say 'Who is that? Is she French?'. In reality, the entrance you make will involving throwing things all over the place and falling over. 'The whole car journey up to uni I'd been frantically trying to upload music onto my new laptop. A freshers rep greeted me by opening the car door and I spilled hundreds of CDs all over the pavement. Nice one,' says Michelle. Chic, non?
**Your parents will force you to make an entrance. But not in a good way. **
Alternatively, your dreams of gliding to uni like a sophisticated French person could be scuppered by your father pulling an extreme (albeit hilarious) practical joke. 'My stepdad is a car salesman, and for the day decided it would be hilarious to get hold of a moving van with the union jack plastered all over it,' recalls Lauren. 'Driving up the M1 (northbound), I think we were subjected to more middle fingers and 'wanker' gestures than Boris on the telly. After moving in I was identified as the 'nationalist one''.
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**You'll want your parents to eff the eff off... **
OK so all your stuff has been thrown into the metre-squared room that'll be your home for the next year, and you can hear people already making friends down the hall. Why's your mum still here? Can't they see that you've probably got some social event to attend, or some neighbours to smoke a joint with? 'My parents just wouldn't leave,' says Helena. 'My dad was going around tampering with everyone's internet connection, trying to make it faster, with me standing there like 'PLEASE GO'.' Sam agrees: 'I basically told my parents to eff off, so they went and had lunch. They saw a boy being forced out to lunch with his parents and being bought a "good luck half pint". My mum still asks me if I ever met him. Despite not knowing his name or what he looks like.'
**... But you might cry when they do **
Yeah. You spend the whole journey itching to get on with your new life and for your rents to just get out of your face, but then suddenly you're alone. In a weird room. With no friends. And no mum to roll your eyes at. 'I'd said goodbye, waved them off, then gone back into my room and the reality of being all on my own a million miles from home (ok, so like 200 miles from home - but it FELT like a million) set in and I burst into tears,' remembers Natalie. 'All would have been fine, except my mum then called to say she'd left her glasses on my desk. Cue me trying to make it look like I hadn't been crying for when they came back - definitely not the way to convince your parents that you're going to survive at uni...'
But again, at least they're not camping downstairs. Or driving a nationalist union jack car for a laugh (if either of your parents are car salespeople then double check this before setting off)
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Follow Stevie Martin on Twitter: @5tevieM
Picture: Rex**
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.