When it comes to sharing images online, we tend to only share the ones we like of ourselves – or maybe even ones we don’t in an orchestrated way. Last week, I shared an Instagram post of pictures that I’d previously decided I didn’t like. Maybe I didn’t like my side profile, or the way my boobs looked, or my teeth, or my bum chin, it could be anything, but I’m trying to change my mind.
I want to start a discussion about why we zoom in so much on ourselves and focus on the flaws and insecurities when we never do that when we’re looking at pictures of other people. We just see the happy moment. It’s important to interrogate why we view ourselves and our bodies that way.
I’m 37 now and am learning how to grow up in a very ageist world. Especially working in front of the camera, you tend to spend more time looking at your face than you should. It’s the same with our changing bodies. We live in a world that tells us our boobs should be perky, that big boobs are attention seeking and that we should cover up. That post-natal bodies shouldn’t look like you’ve had babies. So, when you’re confronted with an image of yourself that’s maybe different to how you perceive yourself, or it’s an unflattering angle, it can be difficult. The thing is, nobody else would ever look at it and think you look bad. It’s the classic thing of taking a group photo and zooming in on yourself and asking to take another one, when as a picture, it’s such a nice memory.
Despite what people may think, I’ve always struggled with body image and a lot of it stems from the fact that I had such big boobs from a young age. When I was 14, I was a double G and had to deal with all the external commentary around that. Whether it’s being over-sexualised or having shame passed onto me from adults telling me to cover up. I very much felt like my body was shameful and my boobs were too big. Or various chapters in life where you put on weight or you’re on your period, or you have a baby or you’re breastfeeding, and your boobs get even bigger in a society that tells you to put them away. I then look at photos of myself and start to think the same thing.
Body confidence is something that I worked really hard on in my late 20s and early 30s and I definitely have a lot more respect for my body now. I know that it doesn’t define our worth and it doesn’t bring us love or happiness. In moments where I’ve probably been the smallest version of myself, I’ve also had the least self-esteem and therefore attracted the worst people into my life. There’s no point waiting to feel completely satisfied with your appearance, because it’s a lifelong journey.
I’ve never pretended to be above the conditioning we experience, and I think a lot of sharing my journey is sharing things I go through. I feel lucky that I live a life free from restriction now. I see exercise as something to do and movement to enjoy as opposed to punishment. I don’t diet. I don’t think my life would be better if I was smaller. I talk openly about how I want that for other people, which I hope my post reflects.
No one is perfect. And as much as I want to live in a society that doesn’t criticise women for ageing, I still get Botox. I’m never trying to pretend that I don’t have issues too; I’m just a woman trying to navigate the world and all its pressures and conditioning, and I think it’s important that we don’t judge each other.
It’s easy to only show the highlights, but a huge part of my audience is made up of post-natal women. I don’t airbrush my images or face tune them, what you see is what you get. I wouldn’t want anyone to see my pictures and feel bad about themselves. Ultimately, we all have bad pictures no matter who we are, and I think it’s something everyone can relate to.
At the end of the day, we should only share what we’re comfortable sharing. It’s important to remember that we can curate our feeds and follow or unfollow people depending on how they make us feel. Maybe what works for us one year might trigger us another year. When I was post-natal, maybe I’d unfollow certain bodies that made me feel bad about myself. The more diverse bodies in terms of skin colour, shape and size that we follow, the more we realise that beauty isn’t a one size fits all thing.
My advice would be to get in the picture. Even if you don’t do anything with them, one day you will look back and wonder why you didn’t like yourself. And you will treasure those pictures – or your kids will look back and treasure them. Just remember to zoom out.