This Woman Refused To Sit On A Man’s Lap At A Party And The Other Guests Called Her Uncivil

‘They told me my behaviour was inappropriate’.

AITA Reddit

by Lydia Spencer-Elliott |

Parties tend to have a chronic chair shortage. Six around the table, four (max six) spaces on the sofa, and after that people park themselves wherever they can: windowsills, side tables, radiators—it’s all a potential perch. But one woman has taken to Reddit’s Am I The Asshole [AITA] thread to see if she was wrong to refuse a seat on a stranger’s lap at a party.

‘I, a 31-year-old female, was invited to an event via my friend,’ the original poster [OP] explained. ‘I was really looking forward…I arrived a bit lite (not gonna lie), guests were already seated and there was already someone talking on the mic.

‘I stood there in the corner looking for an empty chair,’ she continued. ‘Suddenly, a guy in his 30s (I think) waves for me. I look closer thinking he must’ve had an available chair next to him…[but] he proceeded to pat his lap and tell me I could sit there.’ Gross.

‘I was shocked and completely caught off guard,’ the woman admitted. ‘I freaked out from the inside but remained clam and loudly responded “no thanks but my ass is too big for your small lap” …Suddenly people pause,’ she continued. ‘Some in the back laughed, which made the guy look red in the face. He mumbled something about just trying to mess with me/crack a joke and that there was no need for my uncivil, inappropriate comment.’

After the initial altercation, the OP then managed to get an actual chair to sit on via another guest and remained put the whole party out of embarrassment. ‘As I was walking out a couple of ladies approached me asking about what happened and told me that my response was too inappropriate for this event,’ she added. I tried to cut the conversation, but they told me my behaviour was inappropriate and made the whole event look bad and embarrassed for a simple attempt at teasing…. I went home feeling bad about it and guilty.’

Excuse us, what? This woman has absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. When that man waved her over, he knew what he was doing. Whether a joke or not, the gesture to sit on his lap was an uncomfortable power play designed to discomfort. Had she flirtily laughed and taken a seat, there wouldn’t have been a problem. But when she (in good humour, luckily for him) used her voice to say she didn’t want to, he was embarrassed and used the façade of manners to shame her.

The only person being inappropriate was the man patting his lap at a stranger, when he could of simply found her a chair. As one Reddit user put it: 'That's why men keep getting away with this shit, because people put the blame on the person saying something and standing up for themselves rather than the one making inappropriate "jokes."'

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