Cruises have typically been the holiday of choice for couples seeking a romantic break away, from honeymoons right the way through to retirement.
Now, a fresh wave of cruises is promoting adults-only lifestyle experiences, with some catered to sexual exploration. On board, adventurous couples and singles can connect with like-minded individuals for a week of sun, sangria and, if they want, sex. This demand is fuelled by the growing popularity of non-monogamous lifestyles. A recent study in the UK found that a third of heterosexual men were open to having more than one spouse or long-term partner, along with 11% of women. Meanwhile, there are 371.1M posts under the term ‘Swinger’s Cruise’ on TikTok, where couples are going viral for sharing their experiences of spicy vacations.
But what is it actually like to take to the high seas with hundreds of other open-minded couples? Despite people’s preconceptions, it’s not all about sex with strangers. Kate Shelor a hypnotherapist and pleasure coach, has hosted several couples-only sex seminars on Temptation Cruises. Temptation Cruises are not specifically for swingers, but they offer ‘adults-only (21+) party resorts and cruises.’
‘A lot of people think these cruises are only about having sex with other people. What people miss about the community is that, for the couples who are in it, they feel closer through these experiences, because you’re trying something new and adventurous,’ says Shelor. ‘A lot of people go on the cruise and don’t have sex. They just take in the atmosphere with their partner, and that alone is exciting and refreshing.’
Shelor describes her session as a ‘sex journey using hypnotherapy’ which takes place in the Red Room - ‘a friendly space for those looking to experiment with their sexuality in a space where freedom reigns,’ according to Temptation. ‘The room has about 40 to 60 mattresses with clean sheets. It’s lit with mood-lighting and there’s music playing in the background,’ she says. ‘Couples come in and grab a mattress, before I guide them through a simultaneous sex journey, where everyone is orgasming together. Everyone’s senses are heightened because their eyes are closed. The sexual energy in the room builds and everyone is feeling it, hearing it. It’s a unique experience.’
When it’s not being used for workshops, The Red Room is open at night for couples, and singles who couples invite, to get intimate. Outside of the bedrooms, it’s the one place where sex can take place. ‘People do it differently. Lots stay together as a couple and have sex. Others are interested in swapping or having group sex,’ she says. ‘There are staff on hand who provide water and clean towels. As soon as a group leaves their mattress, one of the staff members will swoop in, spray clean it and put a fresh sheet on. Every mattress is brand new and covered in plastic.’
Bella and Jase, both 32, are a couple from Austin, Texas, who document their adventures on adults-only cruises on their TikTok page and their podcast 4OurPlay. They have been in the swinging lifestyle since 2014 and attended their first lifestyle cruise in November 2021. Like Shelor, they are keen to stress that the cruises are 'open lifestyle and sexually liberating vacations’ that cater to couples ‘seeking a fun, sensual, and inclusive environment’, alongside swingers. ‘They aren't “swingers cruises per se - however, many people who attend are in the swinging lifestyle or could be “swinging lifestyle adjacent,”’ they say. The cruises typically cater to both couples and singles, and all ages, ethnicities, and body types, but Bella and Jase explain the biggest demographic tends to be ‘45-55 with a bell curve on both sides.’
The couple explain that some of the cruises require a waiver that state you won’t be offended by nudity, and you must be over the age of 21 to attend. The couple explain that it’s a ‘huge misconception’ that there are high rates of STIs, adding ‘people in the swinging lifestyle generally take their sexual health very seriously, get tested regularly, openly communicate, and not everyone is having non-monogamous sex.’
Their packing lists consists of what you might expect for a normal cruise, plus some ‘sexy or scantily clad’ outfits. ‘We also always pack fun lights and a small speaker to create a sexier vibe in our cabin as well as some of our favourite sex toys, protection, lubricant,’ they say. ‘Another thing that differs from normal cruises is packing “couples cards” to give out to other people - which is like a “business card” of a couple but it includes photos and their cabin number and how to contact them, such as social media handles and e-mails. You meet so many people on these cruises so that's a way to help people keep in touch both on board and afterwards.’
One of the ‘fun’ things that surprised Shelor about the cruises were the door decorations. ‘Couples will often put pictures of themselves, sometimes with social media handles and what they’re interested in, such as “DM us if you want to swap”’, she says. Plus, you can expect to see upside-down pineapples everywhere - a symbol that has come to be associated with the swinger community.
‘On our door, we personally print and put memes about the swinging lifestyle, a photo of ourselves with our information. We have a small bin that has free stickers for people to take as well as our “couples cards,” all attached by magnets, and twinkle lights to decorate,’ say Bella and Jase. ‘It's also very normal to have whiteboards to leave messages on. Some people go all out; people give out other kinds of freebies, some will make their door a photo-op space, and we've even seen a tablet on a door that had scrolling pictures of the couple at fun parties and lifestyle vacations.’
There’s plenty of entertainment on offer too. Depending on the ship, Shelor explains there are designated areas where guests can be topless or fully nude (although no sex is allowed in these areas) and there’s DJs, spa and sauna services, pool parties, ice-breaker events, themed nights, and workshops led by sex educators, such as rope tying sessions. ‘It’s a very high energy environment that feels very freeing,’ she says.
Shelor says one of the things that surprised her is how friendly and open to connecting everyone is. For Bella and Jase, friendship is a big part of the lifestyle cruise experience. ‘We have countless platonic friends who we meet on these vacations, and while we may not connect sexually, the friendship connection is deeper than some we have in “vanilla” life since you're able to feel free to be yourself in this type of environment,’ they say. ‘It's really about enjoying time with your partner and making friends, and for most, the sex with others is just an added bonus when it happens.’
If you’re tempted to take the plunge and attend an adults-only lifestyle cruise, Shelor says it’s crucial to do your research beforehand, to make sure you find a cruise that matches the atmosphere you’re looking for. ‘There’s different personalities and temperaments. Some cruises tend to have much more of a party atmosphere, while others place more emphasis on education and workshops,’ she says.
Having now been on six lifestyle cruises, Bella and Jase know a thing or two about navigating the experience. They recommend having an ‘open and honest’ conversation with your partner and creating ‘boundaries and expectations’ beforehand. ‘You also don't ever have to participate in anything you don't want to and there's no pressure to do anything,’ they say. ‘And remember that these cruises are a marathon, not a sprint, and you'll learn something new every time you go on a cruise like this. You may not get to experience everything you want to, and that's okay.’
For more information on swinging lifestyle friendly vacations, visit 4OurPlay (https://4ourplay.com/travel)