We’ve all been there, whether it’s a fancy hotel, posh bar or even a distinctly upper class house party. But no longer shall you feel awkward and screw everything up at overpriced events with overpriced people! We asked some experts, and found out how to cope when you're financially and culturally out of your depth, Jack Dawson style (dated reference).
At a posh work event
Work events are the worst and even more so when it's super-posh and all you want to do is 'sample' the free alcohol on offer. Instead, get a drink (just the one) and go and make conversation.
gracetimothy@googlemail.comIf you find yourself in a room of people and you absolutely don’t know anyone, either find a group you can go into and say, “I don’t know anyone here, can I introduce myself?” and join the conversation or find somebody who’s also by themselves, go up to them and ask “don’t you know anyone here either?”’ advises Liz Brewer, author and the UK’s top etiquette expert. Questions such as ‘do you know the host?’ ‘Did you come far?’ ‘What do you do?’ are perfect ice-breakers.
If all else fails and you don't intend on seeing anyone there ever again, take a leaf out of Del's book: ‘I got seated next to a lady who was rather stuck up. She talked about dressage competitions and how vulgar it was that these 'commoners' were turning up with their horses and apparel covered in sequins. I told her that for my birthday my friend bought me a crystal-encrusted horse whip. She was stunned into silence and I walked off’.
At the races, fancy hats, expensive dresses, bucketloads of champagne and raw, bleeding feet. Despite wanting to look your absolute best at whichever meet you’re going to, it should always be comfort first. If you find yourself in the Royal Enclosure at Ascot this summer then congrats and relax, because you’ll receive a dress code. For the rest of us, the rules are: although it’s preferred, you don’t have to wear a hat or fascinator; if you have blemish-free legs then you can leave the tights at home; and you can wear whatever shoes you like. The two most important things to remember are these: 1) ‘It’s a royal occasion and whether you’re in the Royal Enclosure or not, you still have to show a certain amount of respect for the fact that you have dignitaries and members of the royal family walking around’ and 2) ‘Dress comfortably. You want to look good but dress comfortably,’ advises Liz. You could easily rack up a few miles too, so you know the drill; fold-up flats and heel cushions at the ready.
At your posh other half’s parents’ house
Meeting your other half's parents is always going to be a nerve-wracking experience. Add to that the fact that they're rather posh and the situation is about 10 times worse. Del Robinson’s default reaction is to completely change her accent. ‘I should have a Welsh accent, but it becomes a posh telephone voice with an English accent! I adopt it without thinking,’ she says. However international speaker and TV presenter, David McQueen suggests that no matter how easily you might slip into ‘posh’ you, don’t: ‘I don’t ever agree with toning down accents to fit into a space. Just be wary of the speed you speak at, the volume and your use of any slang or colloquialisms that others may not understand,’ he says. And solve last-minute wardrobe woes by going back to basics with an outfit that is both smart and clean (not from the floordrobe this time) and remember that it’s less about what you wear and more about who you are. ‘Don't be too worried about wearing expensive clothes, you just need to be yourself,’ advises McQueen. Turns out your Mum’s been right all along.
At a posh house party
The perfect time to feel like you’re on MIC, have a snoop and get some great interior design ideas! But before that, you’ve got food and drink issues to solve. This isn’t a uni house party, a few bottles of warm rosé you found in a cupboard and some Tesco nibbles won’t cut it. ‘Take Prosecco, but not the only one on sale in the supermarket! Get a decent one and take two bottles that are already cold. Or a really good Rioja, you can't go wrong with a good red,’ Suzi Sampson*, a regular at such soirées, advises. Take homemade desserts, too. This shows effort, is a good talking point and demonstrates experience (everyone takes savoury according to Suzi). Think cupcakes, brownies and cherries dipped in three types of chocolate. Black skinny jeans, a nice top, smart jacket, heels and pearls is the outfit to throw together for this one, according to Suzi, ‘especially as no one seems to be able to tell the difference between real and fake pearls!’ (But of course the ones you’ve just nicked from your Mum/BFF/housemate are real dahling!)
At a posh restaurant
There's always that fear of rocking up to an amazing restaurant feeling great then taking one look at the menu and freaking out because it's all burnt this, sprouting that, with jus and foam and you don't know what the hell they are, let alone whether you'll actually like them. ‘Ask the waiters! That's what they're there for! They are trained to be able to offer you suggestions and explain all the little details like ingredients,’ says Vanessa Sanyauke, Founder of Girls Talk London. When it comes to ordering alcohol though, keep the cost down by ordering house wine or spirits. When your mystical-sounding meal does arrive, remember Vanessa’s general etiquette rules: ‘With cutlery, remember for each course start on the outside in, place your napkin on your lap when eating and when you’re finished, cross your knife and fork’. Of course all of this advice is extremely useful and may well save us all from any(more) awkward moments, but at the end of the day, life is for living. If you're going to live a champagne lifestyle on lemonade wages then you might as well have fun doing it!
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.