The Absolute Filthiest Moments From Great British Bake Off History In GIF Form

Because it satisfies our most primal urges – gluttony and getting lucky – in one cosy, pastel-painted package that you’re allowed to watch with your Nan in the room


by Lauren Bravo |
Published on

Soggy bottoms are only the start of it. Did you think GBBO became the nation’s best-loved reality show because we’re all so keen to learn about the origins of the Battenberg? No, it’s because it satisfies our most primal urges – gluttony and getting lucky – in one cosy, pastel-painted package that you’re allowed to watch with your Nan in the room. It’s basically Carry On Carbohydrates. And luckily, it’s almost time to step back into the marquee for another session.

But in the meantime, let’s feast upon Bake Off’s sexiest moments…

Bun fun

For a moment, you almost thought this tenderly-prodded pile of uncooked iced finger was something else, right? D’ough.

Home and dry

Because she’s a practised baker, Ruth knows that the correct response to these words of praise is 'Yay!', and not, ‘Sorry, there should be some KY in that drawer.’ If you’re hoping to attract the affections of a Hollywood, try putting ‘dry pie’ on your Tinder profile.

Variety is the spice of life

If you ever reach a point where filling a long, crunchy biscuit tube with cream doesn’t warrant at least one small snigger into a paper serviette, then all true joy has escaped you and you must take some time to re-evaluate your life priorities.

Love is a many-tentacled thing

Without Mel and Sue to lend some lecherous subtext, Bake Off would basically just be a weekly hour of diabetic overachievers weeping in front of ovens. Just as well, then, that the queens of pervy punning are always on hand to muck in. Managing eight long, doughy parts can be a proper handful if you haven’t read the instructions – just ask Giedroyc.

Wants and kneads

We’re not saying we’d welcome Paul’s signature move on our own hot cross buns, but that kind of vigour could come in useful elsewhere in the kitchen… if you get our drift.

Fiery biscuits

Isn’t it lovely when things run in the family? Some grannies leave you heirlooms, some pass down mottos and wisdom – Ben’s bequeathed him the hottest dunkers this side of Northampton.

Gently does it…

You wouldn’t think you could stretch much more innuendo out of a recipe that involves sticking your finger in a hole, but, ever attentive to detail, Brendan managed it. When the bagel’s a-rockin’, don’t come knockin’… yeah, that’s the saying.

We Was Robbed

Before James ‘Jumper Crumpet’ Morton stole our hearts there was another contender for Chief Fantasy Icing Piper, in the floppy-haired form of series two’s Rob Billington. His chocolate cake ended up on the floor, but it’s OK because we were down there already.

Drippy buns

What’s that? You’ve never idly thought about Paul Hollywood glazing his buns during a quiet moment at work? YOU ARE LYING.

You Don’t Know Until You Try

Good on you for having a go though, Mary. The safe word is ‘rough puff’.


Putting the ‘smut’ in ‘smuttery croissants’ and ‘all-smutter shortbread’, Sue Perkins is basically half woman, half saucy wink – and the main reason we’re all so much more interested in scones than our Food Technology teacher could have predicted.

Hoarding nuts

You thought we were going to get to the end without mentioning this little fella, didn’t you? NO SUCH LUCK. Though of course, whether you consider innocently well-endowed wildlife a ‘sexual moment’ is really a question to ask yourself in private.

Happy banking! We mean, baking.

*The Great British Bake Off season 5 *is on BBC1 every Wednesday night from 8pm

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Follow Lauren on Twitter @laurenbravo

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

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