Barack Obama, that slick yank, has got himself into trouble over in China for chewing gum. The presidente, who’s over there on an official trip to an economic summit was told off by Chinese people for his impoliteness, while USA Today, says Obama just wanted to keep his mouth minty fresh.
‘We made this meeting so luxurious, with singing and dancing, but see Obama, stepping out of his car chewing gum like an idler,’ commented Yin Hong, a professor of journalism at Tsinghua University in Beijing, using Weibo (it’s China's Twitter) to make his comments known.
Maybe the best etiquette is to just give up chewing gum. But, as life-long chewers, we’re not about to do that. So here are some life lessons we’ve learned from a practical lifetime of chewing gum. Obama take note.
1. There comes a point where you’re just gnawing at it for stress
Somewhere between the fresh taste of mint enveloping your teeth and stinging your tongue and the time when the gum breaks completely apart, there’s a bit where you’re chomp, chomp, chomping against a stiff wad of gum. You’re not doing it to keep your breath fresh, you’re doing it because you enjoy chomping. Be aware of that.
2. If you’re about to eat some food, just throw the gum away
Too many times have we put some gum between our fingers or in the side of a crisp packet or (don’t judge us) the bedside table because we’re about to eat actual food. At some point, we hope, we’ll be able to heed the above advice.
3. When you throw the gum put it away, really do throw it away
Don’t spit it in a bin, unless there is absolutely no-one around to see you do it. Still, all those black splodges on the floor? That’s people’s gum, people’s spit… everywhere, mosaicking the pavements of the world. Maybe it’s a bit kinder to the environment to just shove your gum in a receipt – that’s basically what they’re for (that, and low-level tax evasion).
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4. Don’t pop too loudly
It’s your gum, yours to treasure and roll around in your mouth and spread it about. So keep it there! The only reason we’re condescending you like this is we learned the hard way and spat gum in a job interview once.
5. If someone’s about to be funny, keep the gum towards the front of your mouth
Have you ever belly-laughed with gum further back in your mouth than your molars? You must have a belly-full of gum.
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6. Buy ‘in bulk’
Four packs of gum from a suburban supermarket are £1, one pack can be 80p at an inner-city offie. Think wisely, it’s not as if buying gum in bulk is going to weigh you down too much.
7. That freezer thing? Doesn’t necessarily work
Try it, but it’s not a totally flawless technique, plus, it certainly will never work on your hair, so we advise that you only ever get gum stuck on the inside of your jean pockets.
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Picture: Eylul Aslan
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.