Today, the Royal Society for Public Health issued a warning that all alcohol should have calorie content label if we ever want to reduce obesity. Alcohol is currently exempt from EU food labelling laws meaning they basically don’t have to tell us how many calories we are consuming, which is apparently contributing to the fact that the UK is one of the most obese nations in the world.
The doctors were also very keen to point out that a large glass one wine can contain around 200 calories – the same as a doughnut. Now, whilst we'd be amongst the first to acknowledge that obesity is no laughing matter, aren't there just some things you don't want to know? And don't the endless comparisons of junk food v booze fall into that category? I mean, it doesn't take a genius to work out that inhaling a bottle of wine on a night out isn't going to do your health much good, does it?
So, instead, we worked out the enormous pile of health food you’d have to get through in order to match the calories of just one measly bottle of wine. Which, FYI contains 618 calories, seven and a half grams of sugar and 18 rainbows. The results might actually surprise you...
Wine Calories
1 of 11Apples
At 52 calories a pop, you’d have to chow down 12 apples to match one bottle of vino. An apple a day might keep the doctor away, but 12 will probably give you the shits.
2 of 11Celery
One celery stalk is only ten calories, so you’d have to get through 62 to match a bottle of wine – and that’s not taking into account the calories you’d burn off with all that chewing. We’re exhausted just thinking about it.
3 of 11Kale
One bowl of boiled kale without salt is – as well as being the most insipid sounding dinner we’ve ever heard of - 36 calories, so you’d have to sit through 17 whole bowls of the stuff to equal one bottle of wine. You don’t need us to tell you that that way madness lies.
4 of 11Quinoa
Quinoa may be a super food, but you wouldn’t be feeling so super after sitting through three bowls of the stuff at 222 calories each, let us assure you.
5 of 11Edamame
A portion of edamame – surely one of the smuggest foodstuffs in the universe - is 122 calories a pop, so you’d have to eat five to match a bottle of Pinot. No one needs that much roughage in their lives.
6 of 11Porridge
When did porridge become a ‘thing’ again? It is essential nothing more the sludge, flavorless gruel. It’s also 142 calories a portion, so you’d have to eat four bowls of it to equal one bottle of wine. Imagine the bloating.
7 of 11Miso Soup
You’ll need to drink seven bowls of miso soup (84 calories) to match the calories of the wine which is a hell of a lot of liquid to have sloshing around you. Especially as it probably wouldn’t even get you pissed.
8 of 11Rice cakes
At 30 calories a rice cake, you’d have to eat 20 odd to match the vino. And we’re not talking the good ones that taste a bit like crisps, we mean those plain ones that basically taste like cardboard. We’ll pass.
9 of 11Raisins
One raisin is about two calories, so you’d need to get through 309 and we simply don’t have the space for that in our handbags. Soz.
10 of 11Almonds
You’d need to eat 88 almonds, which are seven calories each, to equal one bottle of wine. That’s just nuts (sorrynotsorry)
11 of 11Green Tea
Green tea not only tastes like fag ash, but is also only one calorie per cup so you’d need to drink 618 cups of the fowl, noxious stuff when you could be getting all squiffy on the grapes. You know what do to…
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Follow Sophie on Twitter @sophiecullinane
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.