If this time last year, someone told me that I’d be dating a new man every week, I would have laughed harder than I did in 2005 when I got hold of the entire Friends box set.
Back then I was still processing a hurricane of emotions that hit me hard after a brutal break up and I didn’t think that I’d have the confidence to date again, even if I wanted to. Yet, I’ve spent the last twelve months going on 52 first dates and instead of breaking my confidence further, dating has helped me to re-build my confidence in myself and in men.
On a very normal Tuesday night last year, I received a message from a girl which started with “I hate to have to tell you this” and ended with “I’m sorry”. In a nutshell, this girl said that my boyfriend had been inviting her round to our home, while sexting her things that would make the characters of Game of Thrones blush. But he denied everything and called me a psycho, a word that, ironically, gets thrown at the woman a lot in these situations.
My head was all over the place. I needed to get to the truth so I spent weeks digging until I got it. It turned out that over the three years that we were together, he went to great lengths to hide his cheating. From creating a secret Instagram account, to telling people that we had broken up and I moved to Australia, to blocking girls that he was sleeping with from my social media accounts so that they never saw me or vice versa.
Despite all that effort, his big downfall was tagging me in a video of a cat stretching, because I really like cute cat videos. I like cute cat videos even more now because of that incident. “How”, you ask? Well this particular girl was browsing through Facebook, saw the tag and clicked through to my profile which was filled with pictures of us together. Then the message was sent and my world was thrown upside down.
At that point in my life I could have taken a vowel of celibacy and sworn on the Bible to forever think of men as Ken dolls, with no genitals. Now and again my friends would ask if dating had crossed by mind yet, to which I’d quickly reply, “absolutely not.” I didn’t want to jump into a rebound, I was still shellshocked and wasn’t ready for any of that.
But over time, I realised that I was letting the actions of one person in my past suppress my future and in a way, I was letting him win. I also realised that I didn’t want to necessarily look for love just yet. If I found it, that would be incredible, but really I wanted to show myself that I could put myself out there again. After a few preliminary dates where I actually (shocker!) had some fun, I decided to challenge myself to throw a few (hundred) subliminal V's to my ex and go on 52 first dates in twelve months. I wanted to show myself that dating doesn’t have to be scary and prove that my past doesn’t have to hold me back. I thought that even if I didn’t find love, at least I’d find a few funny stories to tell and I wasn’t wrong. Here are some highlights from my year of dating...
1. The worst walk out
Mr 6 was funny, very normal and charming … over messenger. However when we met up for a drink, within 15 minutes I was on my way back home.
We had just ordered our drinks when he announced that he wanted to kick off the evening by talking about politics. That’s a brave topic for any social occasion, never mind a first date, but I went with it. He went on to talk about Donald Trump and then very quickly about Trump’s alleged infidelities. Fine, I was still going with it. Until he said that he agreed with cheating especially after a couple have had a baby and weren’t having as much sex. I immediately started downing my wine and getting my coat, at which point he asked if I had any controversial views that I wanted to share. For example, how did I feel about “smacking children when they’ve been naughty”. I walked out.
2. The man with a plan
Aside from Hugh Jackman, there is no man sexier than a man who properly and thoughtfully plans a date. I’m a strong, independent working woman, who is more than capable of picking the venue but for me, it’s such a turn on when a man takes charge on a first date and makes an effort.
Mr 11 selected a gorgeous venue and after the first drink, revealed that he had researched and planned a route which would take us to a number of cute and romantic places. He had good chat and definitely got a cheeky little kiss at the end. And now we’re married… okay we’re not, but it was definitely one of the best first dates I’ve ever had.
3. The rebounder
Mr 12’s friends should have confiscated his phone the second he started taking about dating. From the moment that we sat down he began talking about his ex, how it crushed him when she left and how he’s taken up fencing to keep his mind of it in the evenings… as well as Tinder it seemed. As he continued talking about the future that he saw with her, I became very glad that I didn’t rebound after my break up.
I also thought that if he told a therapist that his break up inspired him to spend a couple of hours a week running around trying to stab someone, then they’d definitely ask him to come back for another session.
4. Chris
Although the whole year taught me a lot about myself, Mr 37 in particular, helped me to uncover an unexpected quirk. We had a really lovely date and hit it off straight away. But when I said his name out loud, Chris, I realised that a bit of me cringed inside, hard. Chris is my dad’s name. The idea of saying that name between the sheets would have really kill the mood for me. It’s like calling your partner a dirty girl in bed and then calling your daughter a dirty girl for getting mud on her wellies. It just doesn’t feel right.
5. The over sharer
There are a lot of topics that traditionally shouldn’t be discussed on a first date, but most of the time I say “throw out the rulebook” because I want to get to know the real you. And that’s exactly what Mr 49 did. After some pleasant conversation, he started listing off the array of different sexual diseases that he had previously acquired, from the classic Chlamydia to the more niche Syphilis. To this day, I’m still not sure if I’m glad that he opened up or not. He didn’t make it to a second date.
I’ve now been on all 52 first dates and I wouldn’t want to undo any of them. It’s hard to have your heart broken by some guy who doesn’t deserve you, but what I’m saying is screw him. Don’t let your ex’s mistakes hold you back. If you do want to find someone, whether that’s someone to go for a drink with on a Tuesday night, as an alternative to eating a ready meal for one while watching Netflix in your PJ’s, or someone to marry, then what you have to do is look.
Although I’m still a single Pringle, getting back into dating has definitely made me realise that there are some great guys out there, there are more Mr 11’s than you might think. There have been a few knock-backs, but I’ve never let those get me down, some people just aren’t right for each other and that’s okay. But the most important thing is, that getting back into dating has helped me to fall back in love with dating and with myself.