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When someone cancels on you, you're DELIGHTED
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Your dream Friday night now consists of one of the 3 'N's - Nandos, Netflix or Necking Wine In Front Of Gogglebox.
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The closest you get to 'raving' these days is listening to Annie Mac on Radio 1. In the bath.
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In your early twenties, wild horses wouldn't keep you from going out. Now, a food baby, or a slight drizzle of rain is enough.
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Dinner parties, weddings and hen dos have replaced bars and clubs as where you get most drunk.
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You planned to go 'out out' with your mates, but wake up passed out in your front room after sharing three bottles of wine.
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Your 'clubbing clothes' now consist of a miss-shapen body con dress you had circa 2008. And um, jeans. OK so you don't have any clubbing clothes.
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Making your Saturday morning yoga class is more important than making it out until the last round at the bar.
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Slippers are your favourite shoes
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You spend most of the night thinking of an excuse to leave at 12pm. 'I've got a headache' usually does it.
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You never miss an episode of Graham Norton - and get really annoyed if you aren't home in time for it
12.When people ask what you did at the weekend you tell them about that episode of Graham Norton
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When anyone shouts 'shots' you do a swift disappearing act. Sambuca is your nemesis. And Tequlia makes NO-ONE happy.
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Arriving at a club at 12? Isn't that going home time?!
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You own at least eight pairs of sweatpants.
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The thought of the nightbus brings you out in a cold sweat
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And drinking on an empty stomach. Eating is no longer cheating. And you're not saving the calories for wine.
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When you're getting the tube/Bus/Uber home and you see people queue outside a club, you feel smug. Soooooo smug.
19.You haven't been to a Chicken Cottage for years. OK, maybe months, but that was one time and you NEEDED to eat.