A couple of weeks ago, I sat down to plan my work schedule for the final few months of the year. The sweet September relief that I normally feel - not at spending less time with my children, whom I love and miss when they’re not around, but at at having to be everything to everyone, all at once - is not present this year. This September, instead of being able to resume a work-life balance remotely resembling something normal, I, like many other working parents, am faced with weeks upon weeks of an ever-changing schedule. You see, my four year-old is starting school, and will attend for a confusing combination of mornings, afternoons and mornings-with-lunch, until he finally starts attending full-time on 10th October. Just in time for the half term holiday.
This settling in period is the source of much debate, with some arguing that a few weeks of part-time education gives children the chance to settle in, and teachers the time to get to know them, while others feel that such a changeable schedule is actually more disruptive to their children’s routines, and might delay that sense of stability and belonging that many children find comforting. My son is young in the year - a July baby who has not long turned four, and who I am loathe to allow to grow up so outrageously quickly. Of course I want him to settle in at a pace that suits him, and of course I want this system to be fair to the teachers and support staff trying to make a gaggle of young children feel comfortable and happy.
However, I am left wondering where working parents fit into all this, and how we’re supposed to make it work without relying on family support (which only some even have access to), rinsing annual leave allowances that leave us short for the other school holidays, or counting on patient and understanding bosses. For those of us who are self-employed, limited availability can kill work opportunities dead, and many of us are scrambling for as much work as possible as the threat of a recession looms over us, while skyrocketing living costs make every penny more important than ever before.
When I posted about this on Instagram, I was flooded with messages and comments from other parents - mostly mothers - who were tearing their hair out trying to figure out the logistics. For some, with inflexible schedules (often teachers themselves), even far shorter settling periods were proving difficult to navigate, while others were planning to take unpaid leave and suffer the financial hit. Others still had managed to find childcare to wrap around an awkward schedule, but at huge financial cost - because as soon as a child starts school, they lose their entitlement to the 30 or 15 funded childcare hours that most pre-schoolers are entitled to from the term after their third birthday. Parents of twins and multiples, or children with additional needs, are often hit hardest, both financially and in terms of time and stress.
It is hard to speak out about this without being misunderstood, because teachers and school support staff, overworked and underpaid as they often are, do not need more pressure or scrutiny. Schools are usually doing their best to meet the needs of both parents and children, and sometimes that must necessarily involve a bit of inconvenience for parents. I’m sure most caregivers among us would agree that compromising, going out of our way and putting our children’s needs first is part of the daily juggle. But in a society that needs us in the workforce, that needs children to be born, and where, for the vast majority of families, two incomes are needed to stay financially afloat, something simply doesn’t add up. We cannot be in two places at once, and we are sick of being expected to parent like we don’t work, and work like we don’t have children.
Childcare reform is desperately needed across the board, to make life as a working parent affordable and viable without leaving nurseries and early years professionals out of pocket, and this particular spinning plate needs to be addressed too. A standardised nationwide settling period, with adaptations for those children with different or additional needs, might be a good start - it would give parents an idea of what to expect ahead of time, and perhaps reduce the disruption down to a more manageable period of time. More consistency might also open the door to better supporting measures for those unable to rely on family help, leave or understanding managers to get them through, in the form of wraparound schemes. Otherwise, statutory paid leave from work, similar to parental leave for the birth of a child, could work. The options are many, but something must be done. We’re so close to the edge - financially, mentally and career-wise - and none of us can afford to go into freefall right now.