During the past year, new parents in the UK have brought their children into the world without their families and friends standing beside them. Experiencing life-changing moments for the first time, without your support bubble with you is challenging…
She has no idea if she’s doing it right
Not being able to hang out at baby groups or with mum friends means new mothers have no one to compare notes with, on everything from interacting with the baby to changing nappies. It can mean a knock to their confidence, because you build up confidence by doing things together and sharing those experiences. So check in with her as often as you can, particularly since…
She’s lonely
All new mums are lonely to an extent, but during lockdown they’re even more isolated. On the other hand, lots of people have the benefit of having their partner at home all day, which they wouldn’t have had before the pandemic. After my son was two weeks old, I didn't see my husband from 7am until 9pm during the week, because he was at work. So that's the flip side of it. But sometimes you need to talk to someone other than your partner, which is why digital communities like A Mother Place help, because hearing about other people’s experiences is half the problem solved. It’s good to know that you're not the only one who's feeling that way.
We’ve got the technology - use it
While there are lots of things that are very difficult about being a new mum at the moment, we’re fortunate to have the technology to be connected with others in a way that no previous generation has. Communicating is one of the most important things for new mums’ mental health, and there are so many ways to do it. I don't mean organising quizzes or cocktail making sessions, I mean just checking in. Portal - the smart video calling device from Facebook - is completely hands free and lets you stay connected to the people you love when you can’t be together. There’s nothing like being there, but Portal is the next best thing.
Food is ALWAYS appreciated
If you live nearby, dropping off a meal can be the most amazing thing. Everybody appreciates having someone else cook dinner.
Please don’t say…
‘At least we’re not homeless.’ My husband's guilty of this. It comes from a good place because the person is trying to make you feel better, but the way to do that is not to point out that someone else is in a worse situation. It’s one thing to try and be grateful for what you have, but toxic positivity is not helpful. It glosses over someone’s feelings.
Instead say…
‘It must be really hard.’ ‘I’m here for you.’ ‘Call or text me anytime.’ Sympathise, and encourage people to get help if they need it. Mental health referrals have decreased in the past year, because some people who are suffering feel like they shouldn't call their GP during a pandemic. But, if they’ve got postnatal depression or anxiety, then please encourage them to reach out to their GP. They can even self-refer now, so it’s easier than ever to get help.
As lockdown lifts, go easy on her
With no visitors, new mums haven’t had to make tea for their mother-in-law, wash their hair or even get out of their pyjamas. In that respect, there's actually less pressure on lockdown mums. They have time to develop at her own rate with the baby, and settle into parenthood. A staggered return to normality is important because, after the year we’ve had, to suddenly have five friends in your house will be quite overwhelming. And the joy of Portal is that now we can keep loved ones close, even if they live far away. The lessons we learnt in lockdown will keep our relationships stronger forever.
Becca Maberly's new bookNobody Tells You...is out on 15th April
Portal, Portal Mini, Portal TV and Portal+ are a family of home video-calling devices that make it easier to connect with loved ones, and share the little everyday moments that relationships are built on. With Smart Camera, Portal makes it feel like you’re together in the same room even when you’re far apart. Portal also features fun shared AR experiences and a picture-perfect photo frame to help you feel connected when you’re not on a call. And with Alexa built-in, you can listen to music, get the weather, control your smart home and more, hands-free.