Juggling life’s admin often feels like an endless list of to-dos, but what happens when you add on another person’s on top of your already sky-high pile? Kidmin is childcare admin – everything from handling school emails, to organising parties and arranging after-school clubs and activities for your children. It’s a side of parenting that can feel exhausting, especially when you’re already balancing childcare, food shops, laundry, work and your own socialising.
‘Handling childcare admin is like juggling flaming torches while trying to sip a cup of tea and host a zoom,’ says Jules Brim, mother of a 3-year-old.
‘Just as you tick one thing off the list—replying to a pre-school email, finding the right thing for show and tell or sorting a birthday present—another three pop up.’
Other mums reported feeling ‘out of control’ and ‘completely overwhelmed’.
‘From the amount of WhatsApp groups, to multiple daily school emails, keeping on top of everything is a real challenge for me (as someone who works full time),’ says Jasmine Wicks-Stephens, mother of a 7 and 2-year old.
Although Jasmine and her husband share the workload, things inevitably get missed, she says. Also, it’s the ‘relentlessness’ of kidmin that she struggles with.
‘You don’t want your child to miss out on clubs, parties and all the extracurricular things, but keeping on top of their diaries feels like a job for a qualified PA.’
With so much admin, some parents have had to give up self-care or socialising, important parts of their own lives, to keep on top of it all.
‘I’ve had to sacrifice things like time for myself, exercise, and even moments to just sit and breathe,’ says mother of two Donia Youssef.
For mother of two Nikki Alcorn, the mental load from kidmin has meant she’s sacrificed time with her partner, family and friends. ‘I do not have time to stop and take a breath,’ she says.
Nikki admits she’s been struggling to find time for herself because of this additional responsibility. “I’ve said goodbye to lazy weekend mornings and hello to freezing 9 a.m. football games,” she jokes.
But still, she takes on the extra workload out of care. ‘Even though all of this is a challenge – I’d never want to miss something important for my children,’ she says.
This pressure to keep everything running smoothly was something multiple women shared.
Jules points out that mums are told its their job to hold everything together, but these expectations are unrealistic ‘and a bit of an equality growing pain where we are still expected to fulfil the traditional mum role whilst still smashing life at work, drinking plenty of water and maintaining close friendships with our favourite people’.
Balance doesn’t exist, she thinks. Instead mums should re-frame kidmin to ensure that while ‘key things get done’, they also give themselves flexibility ‘and a bit of a break’.
She says: ‘I don’t really believe that “you can have it all!” narrative that tends to aimed at women - it’s a recipe for burnout.’